What to get for the monarch who has everything

Did you wait until the last minute to get something for that special someone this Valentine’s Day, and all that’s left in stores are the inflammatory cards and diabetic chocolates? Well, there’s one grand gesture you could make, and it only costs a mere £510 ($800 U.S.): mooning the Queen.

Australian barman, Liam Warriner, mooned Queen Elizabeth II during her October visit to Australia. He ran alongside her motorcade — bare-assed — for 50 yards, clutching an Australian flag between his buttocks the entire time. Warriner told police that he did it to protest elitism, but that athletic performance definitely ranks him in the elite.

IOC, make the pants-less 50 yard butt relay an Olympic event now!