Science finally finds a negative health impact from drinking

Pretty much every other day, heavy-drinking scientists come out with a new study declaring the health benefits of boozing it up on the reg. But did you know that there is actually a negative health effect?

According to a new study, drinking alcohol isn’t always good for you. In fact, it can mess up the balance of good bacteria and bad bacteria in your mouth. Researchers found that drinking alcohol tends to kill the good bacteria in your mouth, which could lead to health problems later in life.

So why not have another round? You’re probably been drinking for so many years that you’re doomed anyhow.

Scalding pizza problem licked

If there’s one thing the Guys love, it’s freshly baked pizza. But, every rose has its thorn and every bagel bite has its scalding tomato sauce, just like how every cowboy sings sad, indecipherable song through stuffed crust and oral blisters.

Jason McConville knows our pain and will eradicate it with his knowledge as a professor of pharmaceutical sciences. He has  modified a breath strip to deliver benzocaine, a common local anesthetic, to the scorched area. He claims that it will help speed up healing, which is already pretty fast in the mouth, and that the strip will not impair your voice as it dissolves.

So, thanks, Dr. McConville, because when pizza’s on a bagel, now we can finally eat pizza any time. Even straight out of the oven.