Congratulations! It’s a tumor!

In Movember-related news, it turns out that men can use home pregnancy tests to find out if they have certain varieties of testicular cancer.

One Ontario man did so for a lark, which is Canadian for “to waste a perfectly good pregnancy test.” When a friend posted the results to Reddit, users suggested he get checked for testicular cancer immediately or, at the very least, get that baby flushed out before it wrecked his pee hole. Sure enough, he had a small tumor on his right testicle, and it was detected early enough to treat immediately.

Please note that the hormone that triggers positive pregnancy test results is not present in all forms of testicular cancer, so don’t forget to get your annual check-up! Sometimes, urinating on a stick is no substitute for a doctor’s loving hands. At least, that’s what it says on our Tijuana medical licenses.

Take it from Snee: Spray it, don’t say it

Manners are an ever-evolving contract that society signed to avoid embarrassing and thoughtless behavior, or what the French termed “faux pas” in between giving English-speakers the wrong directions to the Louvre.

Our earliest etiquette rule comes from, ironically enough, our earliest ancestors, who decided it would be more polite to fathers if the groom clubbed their daughters prior to dragging them off, which is much quieter than all that previous kicking and screaming. From there, we invented “please,” “thank you” and “I’m sorry” to express polite requests, gratitude and, “Would you just shut up about your car already?”

Even today, we are making greater strides towards a more polite world, even when we can’t see it right away. For instance, when police officers began spraying people sitting outside in New York City and the University of California, Davis without repercussion, who knew that ordinary people would start doing the same to humbly ask for the last Xbox? It is clear that the moratorium we once held on not spraying s#@t in other people’s eyes has been lifted, and I for one am glad to see this day. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Spray it, don’t say it

Take it from Snee: Your ‘Community’ needs you

There are very few shows I would say that I love on television. Doctor Who, of course is one. The Colbert Report goes without saying (even though I just did). But, then there’s Community.

Maybe it’s because I briefly went to a community college that has since scrubbed the Internet of a commercial that claimed the “n” in their name is for “knowledge,” Troy and Abed’s belief that they are the stars of their own reality, or Allison Brie, but I found it hard to believe that everyone isn’t watching this show. In fact, so few are watching that NBC is taking the early steps that almost always lead to cancellation of what could be the smartest comedy since Sports Night, only actually funny.

Look. I know I ask a lot out of my readers (see my Movember update at the end), but that’s only because I assume that if you’re reading this, then you enjoy going out of your way for reheated jokes from my twitter account, which means you’re OK with working for your comedy. This time, I’m asking you to watch Community, just once, and see if you don’t fall in love with it for the same reasons I did. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Your ‘Community’ needs you

Take it from Snee: You’re one in seven billion

The U.N. estimated that as of Monday, October 31, the world population reached seven billion people. Throughout the world, scores of children have been crowned the seventh-billionth, which will only result in a Highlander-style Quickening until there is only one.

But, aside from that obvious conclusion, what does seven billion really mean? Do you feel any different than October 30 when there were only 6.9 billion people? Is seven billion even a lot? To put it into perspective: it’s estimated that there are 10 quintillion insects in the world, so that works out to 714,285,715 bugs in each work shoe you left outside.

So, is it possible that each of us is not even unique? That there are identical models of us running around, perhaps walking into a door frame in China the same way I did last night after getting my butt pinched? Continue reading Take it from Snee: You’re one in seven billion