Tag: mtv

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Jackass 3D’

Funny is funny, and 20 years of America’s Funniest Home Videos and a decade of Jackass proves it. A shot to the groin is as reliable a laugh as there is. And if the shot comes from a baseball on a tee, a football place-kicked or a ram, bull or buffalo aiming for a man’s center of gravity, so much the funnier.

Jackass 3D fires paintballs and dildos right into our faces and gives three full dimensions to projectile vomiting and the after-effects of a heavy dose of laxatives. They suffer for their art. Isn’t schadenfreude beautiful? Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Jackass 3D’

Delaware’s suddenly a sexy state

The biggest election news this past week was the triumph of Tea Party candidate Christine O’Donnell in the Republican primary for one of Delaware’s U.S. Senate seats.

Immediately following her win, Democrats cackled with glee, believing they had locked up the crucial Masturbators Bloc. They based this on statements she made 15 years ago on MTV’s “Sex in the ’90s,” in which she snubbed masturbation as lust, wrong and making your wife’s handjobs seem bush league and amateurish.

But, O’Donnell clarified those statements in a candidate’s forum Thursday night, saying that her “faith has matured” since then, and that she will consider any issues from a constitutional perspective.

So, she either plans to amend the Constitution* to reflect her personal morality, or–after 41 years of being single–she’s finally embraced DIY.

*Speaking of: Hey! It’s Constitution Day!

You Missed It: This post is over edition

Bryan McBournie is gone for the day. I won’t tell you where he is, but I’ll just say that what he’s doing rhymes with “pot neing a bedophile.” As such, your favorite (emphasis mine) fill-in writer, me, will have to satisfy your SeriousDesire. Look into my eyes. You know you want it. Just think of it as Christmas in July, even the Jewish people. If you were too busy popping any recalled pills so that you could get extra strength awesome (and by awesome, I mean ouch), odds are you missed it.

When Internet Doves Cry

The musician known as Prince that was then formerly known as Prince and now is known once again as Prince has declared that the internet is over, which has put our website into a little bit of a worry, seeing as how we’re web-based and all. The artist from Minnesota stated that the internet has become like MTV, outdated and that digital devices just fill your head with numbers. Of course, we’re thinking that he’s simply a little perturbed since there’s no key on a QWERTY keyboard for the “symbol.”

There’s a New King In Town

Heralded NBA player Lebron James, after months of deliberation and much press, has finally made his decision about where he will play next year. The hallowed “King” James has decided that the city where he will play in for the 2010-2011 season is Miami, as a member of the Miami Heat, alongside other superstar free agents Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh. He leaves the Cleveland Cavaliers after 7 seasons as a Cav.

This Just In

The city of Cleveland is no more and has become a victim of a self-inflicted scorched Earth policy.

New Cheese Flavored Alzheimer’s Cure

A study at a university involving old rats has shown that they’re starting to retain their memories after losing them. This is great news, as even the derivative of the compound given to the rats appears to be even better at protecting memory neurons. Another great benefit: now we can remember just how many rats we killed, along with how many more we need to.

Take it from Snee: MTV’s lost it

You ever read an ex’s blog entry after a breakup?

I don’t mean the entry right after it ended where they’re sad and can only listen to Kelly Clarkson. I mean the one a few months later where they air your dirty laundry about your laziness, poor hygiene and sub-par penis size, maybe claim you tried to pick them up the other day, and that they’re so glad they dumped you. (Reality: you dumped them.)

Yeah, that’s how I read MTV Network President Van Toffler’s statement about “pushing Generation X out” of their programming considerations. Continue reading Take it from Snee: MTV’s lost it

Respect the Putin

As the saying goes, there ain’t no party like a Moscow party, because a Moscow party don’t stop.

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, who you may know as a politician, showed off his mad rapping skills on Russia’s version of MTV. OK, well really he was just there to talk, but hey, he may have rhymed in his own language.

“I do not think that ‘top-rock’ or ‘down-rock’ breakdance technique is compatible with alcohol or drugs,” Putin told cheering hip-hoppers who responded with chants of “Respect, Vladimir Vladimirovich.”

Putin is pretty gangsta, after all. Remember the campaign for who would be his replacement as president? Anyone who stepped to him got capped in the ass–except with radiation poisoning.

What’s up, Jimmy?

Earlier, former President Jimmy Carter went on record to allege that much of the anti-Obama fervor is based on racism.

OK, that makes some sense. He was a PUSA. He knows what it’s like to be reviled as history’s greatest monster a liberal president.

Now, he’s chimed in on Kanye West’s interruption of Taylor Swift at the MTV Video Music Awards. This means that officially everyone in the world has commented on the VMAs and that Jimmy Carter watches MTV.

Either Carter’s planning to run for president again, or he’s angling for his own cable show.

The McBournie Minute: Pop should represent the populus

There was a time when I considered myself up on all the latest happenings in pop culture. I knew all the big players, all the latest news and gossip, and I knew it all because I could read the celebrity magazine headlines while my mom and I waited to put our groceries on the belt and check out. I was probably seven.

Since then, I can safely say I have focused more on what, rather than who, is cool. I pay attention to certain types of music and certain genres of movies. I watch certain types of shows with certain ads aimed at my demographic. Slowly over the years, it seems I have drifted farther and farther out of contact with what is “fresh,” as the kids say these days. I think.

I realized just recently that basically all of what we define as pop culture is really just what the females of the species find interesting. Let’s run down a few of the latest headlines, shall we? Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Pop should represent the populus

The McBournie Minute: Tainted celebrity love

Oh my god! Did you see it? Sacha Baron Cohen totally landed his bare ass on Eminem during the MTV Movie Awards last night! It was totally real, too. Because you could clearly see Eminem’s bodyguards hesitate while their boss got a man-ass shot.

Yeah, that stunt was staged. You don’t have someone fall from the ceiling with an exposed behind at an awards show and not have several dozen people know about it ahead of time. It’s called the Howard Stern theory of comic nudity. Stunts take a lot of time to plan out, and you need to get everyone to sign off on the safety side of things, too. You don’t want famous people getting hurt, now do you?

Let’s also keep in mind that nothing, repeat, nothing spontaneous happens on an MTV awards show anymore. They pretty much did away with that after the dude from Rage Against the Machine climbed up on the set of the MTV Music Awards when the Wayans brothers hosted. It truly was the only thing notable about that installment. Let’s get past the fact that naked butts on award shows have been done several times, let’s ignore the fact that we’ve seen Cohen put his crotch in a man’s face before. The real issue here is that celebrity crotches are out of control. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Tainted celebrity love

It took you how long to get around to this?

Tilt to rock out. Set down to sue.Schools, could we get you to file this under “surprised it took them this long”, please? Thanks, you’re a peach.

Yesterday, Konami’s lawyers in the US filed a patent lawsuit against Harmonix (and MTV, and Viacom) in the federal court in Tyler, Texas. They allege that Harmonix’s Rock Band violates a pair of patents Konami obtained in 2002 and 2003, which relate to “simulated musical instruments, a music-game system and a musical-rhythm matching game”. For this unmitigated affront to them, Konami seeks justice.

They also seek cash money.

Loads of cash money.

As well as an order blocking Harmonix (or Viacom) from using technology that violates Konami’s patents. When asked for comment, Viacom didn’t even know they were being sued. Apparently Konami’s legal department is as slow to the punch as their own recognition that another guitar game has been pumping out sequels the last three years.