London’s fatberg going on display at museum

A month ago, we told you about a massive fatberg in London clogging up the sewer system. It weighed some 140 tons and stretched more than 800 feet long. It took nine weeks to clear. If you read that story and thought, “I wish I could pay to see that,” we have good news for you.

A chunk of that mass of hardened fat, diapers and nasty solids British people apparently think are OK to flush, will be on display at the Museum of London sometime next year. Because this is what British culture can bring us now. A museum curator said the fatberg “will be one of the most fascinating and disgusting objects we have ever had on display.” That is a real quote.

So if you’ve been on the fence about traveling to the U.K. Consider your mind made up.

Lucky police dog spared by hardcore commando

Everyone has a friend who brags about how they “could rob a bank” or “kill a dude” and “totally get away with it.”

We’d like to introduce you to The Guys’ new criminal superfriend: Gregory Liascos.

Liascos was picked up by police in his Ghillie suit, which means that he’s also your friend that was “too badass for the Special Forces program.” You know, because he doesn’t know how to switch himself off once he’s in his super sweet berserker-mode.

Anyway, police dogs picked up his scent in the bushes outside the Rice Northwest Museum of Rocks and Minerals where somebody had tried to cut through a bathroom wall into its horde of gold and silver and rubies and quartz.

What? Don’t laugh. You could sell all that quartz to Timex and become a millionaire!

Uncle Joe still killing followers

The owner of a museum dedicated to former top Commie and 31-consecutive-year mustache champion Josef Stalin was electrocuted and bludgeoned to death at a tennis court.

Police are still looking for a motive, having already dismissed one theory that the man’s lime green ski cap confused tennis players. Even former KGB tennis enthusiasts have long abandoned the practice of tasing balls before game time.

Once investigations are over, he will be buried in honor of his life’s work: in an unmarked grave and quietly erased from history.