In recent news, the smartest man on wheels, Stephen Hawking revealed that he, too, spends most of his time thinking about women. And I, for one, feel much better for knowing that, because I also find women to be “a complete mystery,” as Professor Hawking put it.
However, I am concerned because, again, if Stephen Hawking — the man who has informed our current understanding of black holes — has yet to unravel the mystery that is women, then what chance do we have of ever solving these riddles. Riddles like: Continue reading Take it from Snee: Women are mysterious
Reader, are women a complete mystery to you? Women readers, are you a complete mystery to yourselves?
Don’t feel so bad. You’re in the same boat as Professor Stephen Hawking, and he’s a genius.
The author of ’80s coffee table book, A Brief History of Time, was asked by New Scientist magazine (even though he’s not exactly new) what he thinks about the most, to which he replied, “Women.” And then, realizing that the greatest living mind just sounded like a hornball, he added, “They are a complete mystery.”
Ladies who just “d’aww”-ed: now imagine that spoken through a Speak & Spell. It’s like your dildo gained sentience and wants to fill you with Borg babies.
Authorities in Utah are perplexed by a prisoner who has been held in jail for more than three weeks for misdemeanor charges because he refuses to reveal his name. He was arrested for trespassing in a parking garage and will remain in custody until he can be identified for court.
The Utah County Sheriffs Department says they have tried everything, including giving him a calling card so that he might call friends or relatives. (He hasn’t.) As they return to the drawing board, they plan to continue introducing him to friends to prompt him to say his name and calling out every name in a baby book until his ears involuntarily perk.
Any information leading to his identification will be rewarded with shares of the magical treasure he’s protecting.
Listen. Do you hear it? That wonderful sound whistling through the air? It’s the blessed sound of silence. But no, no lambs were involved. For today, we instead heard …
… The Silence of the Horses.
Which SeriouslyGuys would just like you to know that we had no involvement in whatsoever. You couldn’t prove it anyway.
Over twenty polo horses suddenly lost the will to live mere hours before they were set to race in Sunday’s polo match in Wellington, Florida. Coincidentally enough, the horses all came from a Venezuelan based team. We don’t know what you put in the water down there, Venezuela, but keep it up!
Mister Ed was asked to respond, but declined to comment. Sources say it may be due to a lack of readily available peanut butter.