In news from 2005 2012, a judge in Alabama signed an order declaring that missing white girl Natalee Holloway has been legally declared dead.
In other news, a disheveled Nancy Grace was seen puttering around town clutching a brown paper bag and muttering to herself “Just what am I gonna do for ratings or segments or anything at all NOW?”
Only the stalkiest of SeriouslyGuys readers may remember that I once wrote about Casey Anthony waaaaaay back when bounty hunters started looking for her. It was, of course, equally well-thought out and -received.
Since then, I’ve devoted exactly zero words to the arrest and trial of the first woman to give Nancy Grace a boner since her gender reassignment surgery. (I don’t mean to insult our transgendered brothers and sisters by comparing you to Nancy Grace, but I’m sure that, even in your solid communities, there’s at least one guy/gal that drives you nuts/vaginas.)
This isn’t because the comments from my first step into this wade-pool of children’s tears made learn the errors of my ways. It’s not because I don’t find children’s deaths hilarious anymore. (Probably more-so now.) And it’s certainly not because I was trying to avoid influencing jurors with my profound online presence and weighty opinions because I didn’t watch the trial.
That’s right: my entire exposure to this case stretches from “internet funnyman can’t resist articles featuring bounty hunters” in 2008 to “reigning Rock Band Beatles champion (within the confines of his own apartment) heard in an airport gift shop* that the bitch got off.”
*The #1 Rule to Successful Blogging: Always, always make it clear that you are well-traveled and, if possible, very handsome.
I can bring you exactly no courtroom details, no arguments for or against the verdict based on evidence and no guarantee of correctly spelling the names of those involved. But, that’s not to say I don’t have opinions. Here’s what I’ve learned about myself and America from being aware that some moderately hot chick may or may not have killed her kid. Continue reading Take it from Snee: The one where I write about Casey Anthony
