The McBournie Minute: Quiet on the tee, please

When I was a kid–wait, where are you going? Stop it. I promise this isn’t some sort of “I remember when” story, despite how the lead sentence sounds. Can we start over again?

When I was a kid, I knew on weekends I could always find my dad watching golf on television. He would eat his lunch, a bologna and cheese sandwich with potato chips mixed in, and sit for hours watching. I tried in earnest several times to watch it with my dad, but my interest always wained.

You see, golf on TV is really, really boring, and this is coming from someone who sits through entire baseball games.

Sure, you can follow along if you know where everyone is and who is leading in the tournament, but the coverage is forced to skip around from one hole to the next after a single shot. This is because nearly every hole has action going on (that’s what she said) and it takes so long for golfers to walk to their next shot. The result is something along the lines of picking up a book, reading page 1, then skipping to page 56, then going to 32, then to page 2 and so on. There’s not much of a story told unless you unscramble it yourself. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Quiet on the tee, please

Take it from Snee: Justice has a new s##tface

So, it turns out that there are costumed heroes roving the streets of Cincinnati. (Seriously, watch the video.)

Yeah, I was surprised, too. I thought Cincinnati burned down shortly after WKRP was canceled. But, no: Shadowhare, your friendly neighborhood guy-who’s-obsessed-with-Donnie-Darko-and-Watchmen, patrols the streets with his band of presumably twenty-something-year-old friends, talking to homeless people, annoying (yet, entertaining) cops and even communicating with other likeminded individuals online.

The first thing that came to mind was, “Where did I go after The Guys’ last get-together: The Absinthe-Minded Professors.” (We watched both versions while drinking absinthe and, after running out, then concocted our own “flubber.”)

No, I’m not Nightbunny. But The Guys fit the profile so much that perhaps we should fight crime, fueled by liquid courage. But, what would we look like? Continue reading Take it from Snee: Justice has a new s##tface

You Missed It: Feeling drowsy edition

Welcome to the last edition of You Missed It before the holiday. We say “holiday” so as not to offend those who are not of the faith, but still choose to celebrate Thanksgiving. In some retail circuits, it is also known as Black Thursday or Christmas Part II. (Part I being Halloween, of course.)

It’s that time of year again where everyone is hoping to see the first flakes of snow, meanwhile, parts of upstate New York have three feet of it already. So here’s hoping you get some of their share. If you were busy naming your son Bronx Mowgli, odds are you missed it.

Justice never sleeps, but it does faint now and then
Scary one here for the U.S. Justice Department, during a speech in Washington on Thursday, Attorney General Michael Mukasey began slurring his words before slowing falling forward into the podium. He was caught and taken to a Washington, D.C. hospital. Worries of a stroke were quelled when Mukasey was released Friday afternoon, apparently it was a fainting spell. Mukasey was estimated to be the fourth person to lose consciousness during his speech that night.

‘We promise not to go on any luxury retreats after this, honest’
Executive of the Big Three car manufacturers went to Congress this week to beg for some of the free money that they have been handing out so generously to banks and mistresses. When they testified, they were not met with the customary “Of course you can! Here’s a check, just write in the amount. We know you’re good for it.” No, they were instead met with angry sound bite after angry sound bite, as lawmakers railed the executives. NSACAR fans, on the other hand, have been nothing but sympathetic.

The death of Lively
Google announced this week that it will be shutting down next month its Second Life-esque Lively. This of course saddened the dozens of people who had actually heard about Lively in the first place. The company said it was directing its resources elsewhere, because apparently the Internet is already saturated places for lonely men to troll for random hook-ips.

How To: Fake sports knowledge

“Hey, did you catch the game last night?”

“Oh, uh, yeah! Wow.”

“I know! I’m just glad Philly beat Tampa after that stupid call last time.”

“Yeah, who do the Bucs think they are? Good to see the Pirates get their due. So when’s the championship game?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna go over there now. If the wrong person sees me talking to you, I’m socially-obligated to beat you up.”

Was this your day?

If so, then it’s obvious that you don’t watch sports at all, which is fine, you know, since you were so busy with that manga marathon. Read on to learn how to fake sports knowledge (before some coworker beats you up in front of your boss). Continue reading How To: Fake sports knowledge

Bet this Wal-Mart doesn’t have a Cost Cutters

Speaking of ethnic stereotypes, Wal-Mart has customized its Dearborn, MI location to cater to the large Arab-American population there.

It’s the same old Wal-Mart, but with some Middle-Eastern touches.  Instead of greeting shoppers with “Have a nice day,” greeters say “Salaam.”  The deli replaced cole slaw with humus.  And, of course, the NASCAR driver endorsements are gone.

Remember, it’s easier to buy the world a Coke when they’re two six-packs for $2.