Run for the hills, Tian Tian!

Zookeepers at the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. have officially called off this year’s Panda Watch. It appears that Mei Xiang faked the whole thing, again.

Apparently, Mei Xiang will do anything to keep the attention she craves from zoo personnel, the media and her own badgered panda husband, Tian Tian, all of whom have been through this ordeal five times.

It’s time to leave, Tian Tian. She’ll just keep pulling this act to guilt you into sticking around. It may be hard to leave the potential mother of your cub or whatever they call your babies, but would she really lie to you if she loved you?

(And that’s how you convince an endangered species to stop breeding donating their sperm to a zookeeper.)

National Zoo sneaks in more pandas

The National Zoo has been on our watch list recently. As promised SG is here to keep you posted on the evils that are being done to house these federally-supported animals. We regret to inform you that the National Zoo is at it again.

The panda-crazed zoo has just added two more pandas, only this time they are red pandas. (We just won a bet we couldn’t say “panda” three times in one sentence.) Apparently, they tried to sneak this one past us while everyone in the Greater Washington area is fixated on the visit of Pope Benedict XVI.

Red pandas are known as the uglier, stranger looking branch of the panda family. Unlike their giant “black” panda cousins, they are not cuddly, but they are just as deadly. The National Zoo said it hopes to complete its collection of all the colors in the panda rainbow.

This blog has not yet ruled out rumors of a panda attack to coincide with the Beijing Olympics this summer.

Panda Watch: National Zoo

Nearly three years ago, a giant panda cub named Tai Shan was born at the National Zoo and lulled Washington into a sense of stupor–exactly what the animals want. Today, Tai Shan is a 170-lb. monster, ready to pounce on anyone that comes near him.

Case in point, Tai Shan attacked a zoo worker with his deadly claws and long teeth! Luckily the worker was able to make it to safety with only a cut on his leg. It could have been far worse. A panda is still a bear, and bears maul.

To make matters worse, zoo officials are helping Tai Shan’s mother pop out another of the devil’s spawn. Mei Xiang, Tai Shan’s mother, was artificially inseminated Tuesday, which means we have to look forward to a man-made panda threat. But do not fear, yours truly, SG’s Washington correspondent, will keep you up to date on the growing panda threat.