Is it April 2 yet? OK, good.
Every year, The Guys hunker down for 24 hours every April 1 to avoid what is the most annoying day in the world. Entire Web sites become unusable, whoopie cushions are on every chair and all the news is (more) unreliable at best.
And this year? It turns out we were right to take shelter in our bunker — which contains our servers and vintage erotica — because an asteroid got in on the “fun” by making an unpermitted flyby yesterday.
Astronomers only received three-days’ notice about an asteroid whizzing perilously close to the planet we all drink at. Had it actually hit, it would have “exploded on or near the surface with the force of a large nuclear blast.”
Reports are unclear about where it would have impacted, but three days is hardly enough time for anyone to organize an end-of-the -world orgy … except those already orgying it up, but run-of-the-mill group debauchery is hardly a noteworthy celebration, now is it?
We, here at SG, are furious at the astronomy community. In the future, we demand more notice of life-ending cosmic calamities. (Also, more rock n’ roll laser-light shows at planetariums!)
Fortunately, there is a silver lining to this not-so-ominous cloud: the asteroid passed so close that it is caught in Earth’s gravity, so there may be repeat near-death experiences. Keep those hot tubs hot!
