Tag: nerd

Rock beats scissors, dual lightsabers beats taser

A man from Hillsboro, Oregon has been arrested and charged with assault after allegedly attacking customers at a Toys ‘R Us store with … drum roll please … wait for it … two plastic lightsabers.

The man, armed with two lightsabers and his abnormally high mitochondrial count, started swinging the toy weapons at customers in the store last week. You can just see the transition from Jedi to Sith.

When the police were called, the 33 year-old moved out to the car park. When cops confronted him there, he began attacking them with the lightsabers, and when one officer shot a taser at him he “knocked one of the wires away”. Such skill and finesse.

It was all for naught, though. Police eventually got the better of Master Porkins, who now faces “allegations of disorderly conduct, theft, assault, resisting arrest and interfering with a police officer”.

Nerd’s mom shouldn’t have thrown out the bathwater with the models

A 29-year-old worker and avid Gundam collector, who was still living at home in Kobe with his mother (which, apparently, are not one and the same), set fire to his room, intending to kill himself when his mother threw out some of his Gundam models that he had built.

Of course, he realized that he didn’t want to die, and so he managed to escape from the house without any injuries, as did his mother, who is clearly and obviously a screaming banshee of a woman. The entirety of the house burned down, though, and the man was arrested for the arson. His words to describe his actions?

“Since my Mom threw out my plastic Gundams, I figured I may as well die.”

Oh, that’s just deliciously sad and pathetic. I wish I could have that emotion bottled up and placed into an aerosol spray bottle so that I could spread it on crackers.

You can set a world record, but you’re still the lamest kid in school

Danny Johnson, Wednesday, set a new world record in Guitar Hero III, toppling the previous record set last August in Minnesota.

This is what counts for news these days.

Seth Schiesel reports that Johnson recorded a score of 973,954 in a roughly seven-minute rendition of DragonForce’s Through the Fire and Flames at a Best Buy in Midtown Manhattan. Preparing for the record-setting run, Johnson went through about 80 Guitar Hero controllers, destroying them over the last nine months in practice sessions.

80 Guitar Hero controllers? That’s a lot money, even if you got them used.

Okay, let me revise the title: You can set a world record, but you’re still the lamest (though a member of possibly the most loaded family) kid in school. Word.