It was not a good day for food

We hope that you’re not eating. If you are, you might want to go ahead and finish up the mastication process, as we’d like to you finish your food.

Done?

Good. Because of those were Nestle Toll House cookies, you might have E. coli. Congratulations!

Okay, there’s a very good chance that you don’t. Still, you might want to be careful. Two samples of Nestlé’s refrigerated Toll House cookie dough from the Danville, Virginia plant tested positive for E. coli bacteria. But wait, you say. “If it’s from a plant, it could get in my mouth!”

No. The tainted dough did not leave the factory, and Nestle is not recalling any product. However, the company did say that it will close the Virginia plant for two weeks to change its cleaning and production process. So slam freshly baked cookies into your mouth all you want!

Unless they’re SpaghettiO cookies. In which case, you might want to pour out a can.

No, not for a bad reason like above. The creator of SpaghettiOs, Donald Goerke, died at the age of 83. He will best be remembered for Chunky soup, canned pasta that was able to be preserved and a sauce that I found vastly inferior to Chef Boyardee. CHEF BOYARDEE SHARKS 4 LIFE.

Put on your panic hats

Libby’s Pumpkin, the company that brings all that delicious canned pumpkin filling which is then put into the delicious foods that are pumpkin anything, fears that it might not have enough canned pumpkin for the Thanksgiving holiday.

“Our calculations indicate that we may deplete our inventory of canned Libby’s pumpkin as we approach the Thanksgiving holiday,” Paul Bakus, vice president for Nestlé’s baking division, told the New York Times.

Commercial pumpkin-producers in Midwestern states blame the shortage on heavy rains and thus overly wet fields. With little back-up supply from a lackluster 2008 pumpkin harvest, West Coast organic pumpkin growers are trying to fill the void.

Now are the end times, ladies and gentlemen. It would not be out of line for you to throw your hands up in the air and scream in horror. I know that I am.