The end is not so nigh

Back in September, SG told you about how the end of the world was near thanks a scientific experiment that may disprove physics. We were very close to a portal opening and needing the aid of a bearded mute nerd to save us all.

Put down the crowbars, people. We’ll have no need to find a champion. Someone forgot to carry the one. Sort of.

After going through their results with a fine-toothed comb, the smarties over at CERN have discovered that the faster than light neutrinos weren’t actually real … all thanks to a loose connection. Super nerds from all around the planet are located at CERN and a loose connection is what brings everything down. Ugh.

The end is nigh

Repent! REPENT! Everything is coming to a horrible end soon!

CERN, conducting yet another experiment in the name of science, might have disproven physics. As in, all of the laws and maybe even some of the constitutional amendments. While sending neutrinos (which are surprisingly not a topping for pizza) into the ground a mighty distance away, the science nerds discovered that the particles would show up a fraction of a second early, potentially breaking the speed of light.

This is not good. Sure, it seems good, but all of my fellow video game players know that this can’t lead to anything pleasant for our planet. The institute will be renamed as Black Mesa, a portal will be opened and the human may end up being enslaved. Our only hope will be a mythical figure that benevolent extraterrestrials will name as “The Free-Man.”

We don’t want that to happen, mainly because it’ll take forever for an end to that problem to arise.

First struggling anything to not consider stripping

The town of Lead, South Dakota took a vote and decided not to allow nude dancing in its “downtown” regions.

South Dakota law allows for nudie bars, provided they are at least a quarter mile from residences, businesses or community gathering places, which in our books would mean “anywhere, including within itself.” Apparently, though, the law can be changed by local ordinances, and that failed to happen in Lead.

This decision could have really boosted Lead’s economy, especially since the town is home to the one of the largest shafts in the Western Hemisphere. The shaft is so massive, in fact, that scientists are able to research neutrinos and other cosmic phenomena inside of it. To really put this shaft into perspective, it is so mindbogglingly immense that your mom calls it on those weekends when you stay with your dad.

On second thought, maybe the people of Lead voted correctly.