Direct-to-DVD action movie market to take a critical hit

Fear criminals, you shall not triumph, as the greatest law-abiding celebrity deputy has come back to work. That’s right, Steven Seagal is back on the scene.

Undersheriff Eddie Lerma of Doña Ana County in New Mexico has deputized the actor for training purposes regarding border issues. It would behoove the criminal aspect of the county to:

  1. Find out if there are any blues houses nearby, and if so, destroy.
  2. Quickly locate if any tanks are nearby.

A controversial license plate? Shocking!


This is license plate that Robert Anaya is not allowed to have any longer in the state of New Mexico. The state’s DMV has issued him a notice, citing that the plate is obscene and is being revoked. This will not stand for Anaya, who feels that an inside joke — not an obscene sexual reference — from a friend at a casino has turned into an issue of the government taking away our constitutional rights.

Maybe it’s because of the early time of writing this post, but the Guys keep looking at the plate and we just don’t get it. It’s …

……. oh. Ohhhhhhh. Gotcha.

Home Invasion, animal style

The war against our multi-legged enemies continues. Just when we thought we were making ground, the animals begin their invasion plots and in our most sacred areas! Not a place is safe!

Don’t let this continue. Stamp out any animals you see.

Maybe next time they don’t accept PayPal?

We all crave the comeuppance of snooty people. They stand there with their noses turned up, pinky-fingers circling around and going on and on with a HARUMPH. It’s palpably delicious when their plans go awry and end up being hoisted with their own petard. For example:

Two ageing professors accused of running a sophisticated prostitution web site appeared to have one goal: they wanted to create a place where respected men like themselves could go for sex without having to worry about getting caught up in street stings.

The problem is that the internet doesn’t discriminate: it hates everyone and their attempts at circumventing the law equally. As such, when you try to provide a service for other old white dudes like yourself, prepare to see yourself on the wrong end of the law, even if the sting in question is of the internet kind.

Now, I’ve not been able to find a single story that details what the two men were professors of, but it’s safe bet that they’re not in charge of the business or IT departments.

Cue Sandra Bullock/Dennis Quaid Movie

Abortions are a squeamish topic, and it’s always rough on both parties involved when one happens. Emotions run high. Things are done and said that probably aren’t meant to normally happen.

Like buying a billboard proclaiming how your girlfriend has killed your child because she may have had an abortion and then reluctantly changing the name of your self-founded organization because it spells out said girlfriend’s name. Coincidentally enough. In his defense, with the way Greg Fultz looks, he might not have had many chances to procreate as it is.

We’re just going to assume that the two are not together at the moment.