New Orleans cameras ticket parked cars for speeding

Speeding is taken very seriously in New Orleans. And the speeding cameras, which we know are just robots plotting against us, take it seriously as well.

Some New Orleans cameras take the infraction so seriously that they are issuing speeding tickets to parked cars. Yes, that’s a moving violation for a vehicle that’s not moving. Residents complain that they are legally parked on the street, and the cameras pick up their plates, rather than the offending vehicle’s as it passes through. Owners of the parked cars get the tickets, rather than the offenders.

One day, the robots will decide to fine us just for living.

Get arrested angry, in 3D

Nicolas Cage owes the United States government a lot of money. And when I say a lot, I mean A LOT. Unfortunately, he may be owing some more money to another government, albeit at the city level.

Cage was arrested in New Orleans (“You don’t have a lucky crack pipe?”) after getting drunk and getting loud with his wife. And yes, one of the charges he was booked on was domestic abuse battery. But if we ended the story on just that note, we’d be nothing more than journalists. No, dear reader, we’re not going to end it on that. You see, there’s a key part of the story that SG would like to point out.

Nicolas Cage was arrested after he got drunk in the city’s French Quarter and argued in the street with his wife over whether a house they were in front of was theirs,

It’s very important to focus on the bold. Because, people, that’s a whole new level of drunk.

Heck of a job, Dubya

Former President George W. Bush just responded to Kanye West’s infamous 2005 accusation that “Bush doesn’t care about black people” in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.

Bush took it right to Kanye, via the “Today” show, five years later, saying that he “didn’t appreciate it.”

West’s original statement criticized Bush’s slow response time.

Miss him, yet?

(You can tell we do.)

We don’t want your money, but we want YOUR money

Oh Bobby Jindal. Do you really think that the internet forgets anything? Like the 45, 000 dollars spent on in-city helicopter trips among a time-span of 4 months or the refusal of money going to your state for economic stimulus purposes?

After meeting with President Obama and other Gulf Coast leaders, Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal called for BP to approve a $457 million seafood safety program for the region. Jindal held his press conference in New Orlean’s Acme Oyster House in the French Quarter-a symbolic location chosen to remind Americans how integral local oysters, shrimp, and crawfish are to the region.

Surrounded by commercial fishermen, Jindal reminded the crowd that seafood is hugely important to the state’s financial health (and that of the region as a whole). In Louisiana alone, the impact on the economy is estimated at $2.3 billion. The proposed safety plan is essentially a 20-year initiative that calls for industry safeguards and repair the damage done to consumer confidence regarding seafood in local waters.

As public anger over BP’s perceived lack of action continues to mount, it’s a savvy time to request funds. Jindal said the $457 million represents “a fraction of what we would lose year after year after year” should BP decline to the request. It’s just a drop in the bucket of what the oil company is going to end up shelling out for this mess, but for PR value alone, the money could be well-spent.

Remember people, it’s only acceptable to take money from big organizations for state purposes when it’s an election year.

The problem with subs

If there’s one thing the U.S. can’t abide, it’s being showed up by their European counterparts. After a U.S. and Russian satellite collision, Olde Wyrlde rivals, the British and the French, kicked it old school and collided a couple of submarines.

If there’s one thing this country persists in, it’s our Navy! (Official motto: “200 years of tradition, unimpeded by progress!”) Americans won’t just sit back and let our backwards cousins to the East relive the technological adventures of the 19th century alone. We’ve followed up with not just a sub collision, but a sub colliding into a state-of-the-art amphibious troop carrier!

OK, so maybe these sub collisions aren’t intentional. If so, then maybe it’s time to make them a little less stealth? For the safety of sailors everywhere?

The McBournie Minute: Hurricanes really blow

When I was a kid, hurricanes sounded pretty cool. They had names like “Bob” or “Felix” or “Andrew.” They made you want to be around them so you could see the weather turn bad and watch as trees fell down. For me, it was kind of like a tornado, they seemed pretty cool from what I had heard and I hoped one day I could see one.

Late one summer I was spending a weekend at my grandmother’s summer home in the coastal town of Scituate, Massachusetts. A hurricane whose name I cannot remember was going to hit on Tuesday and I wanted to hang around, but for some reason, my parents, probably bend on ruining my childhood, would not let me stay to see the storm.

The hurricane knocked down a huge sea wall made of a pile of large rocks, causing the sea to spill into the pond behind it and eventually flooding the house. The neighbor’s wooden, double bench swing was blown away and never seen again. As a kid, all I could think was “Awesome!” Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Hurricanes really blow

You Missed It: When someone asks you if you’re a god you say ‘YES’ edition

Hello there, friend. How have you been? It seems like so long since last we talked. We missed you so much and we can’t wait to tell you all about the past week, because, well, you missed it.

I ain’t afraid of no guts
When last we saw them, Vladimir Putin Vigo the Carpathian had been vanquished back to the depths of hell, thanks to some great work by the Statue of Liberty and the assistance of the Ghostbusters. Now, Variety confirms, the boys are strapping on their proton packs after nearly 20 years. Sure, they may have packed on a few pounds, gone gray or even had mid-life crises (we’d include one about Ernie Hudson, but that’s just mean), but they are back for a third installment. Why? Because bustin’ makes them feel good. Also look forward to another Godfather installment.

Hottest grandmother ever?
The world got their first look at Republican candidate Sarah Palin on Thursday, but earlier in the week it was her daughter who was making headlines. Yes, 17 year-old Bristol Palin is pregnant by her super cute 18 year-old boyfriend hockey player. The couple said they had already talked about getting married, but the idea has come along farther since he slipped one past the goalie.

The Russkies strike
Hurricane Gustav hit the Gulf coast this week. Causing a lot of damage (and surfacing of fond memories) in New Orleans and elsewhere along the coast. So far, the exact toll of damage is unknown. The good news is that evacuees are safe and sound, because the aid FEMA had promised since Katrina just arrived last week.

Chrome sweet Chrome
Google went with a surprise release of its new Web browser, Chrome, this week. The browser is gear to work for more complicated web sites featuring Java, movies or other heavy duty page content. This is why you can’t click on links in Facebook. Thanks, Google!

Brought to you by Tums

Now that you’re probably finished with your lunch, how about some oysters? What’s that? You don’t like oysters all that much? Too bad, we already entered you in a competition.

Alright, we didn’t. But there was an oyster-eating competition in New Orleans recently. Patrick “Deep Dish” Bertoletti, an American, we assume, came away with the title by eating 35 DOZEN oysters. Bertoletti beat the champion, Crazy Legs “Crazy Legs” Conti in what had to be an upsetting loss for the incumbent.

“They’re supposed to be an aphrodisiac,” said Conti, whose real name is Crazy Legs. “But I think that’s only true for about the first three dozen. When you get up higher than that, you don’t want much activity for a while.”

Louisiana fears reputation of party state

Louisiana is a sober, god-fearing state. The people are mild-mannered and mostly keep to themselves. They are in no way associated with music, flashy celebrations, nudity for jewelry children can afford, and least of all, alcohol.

That’s why when state Sen. Ed Murray, of the normally subdued New Orleans, suggested making Sazerac (a beverage containing whiskey, bitters and absinthe) the official state cocktail, there was a huge uproar. Sen. Buddy “Buddy” Shaw fully opposed the idea, fearing the label of a party state. He argued a state cocktail would send the wrong message, and might hurt its tourism industry, based on people who want to see what big boats look like in flood waters.

“‘Is there a possibility that we could be encouraging folks, who were not intending to drink, that it would be acceptable and they could become an alcoholic?’ Shaw asked.

“‘No,’ Murray replied.”