Well, it looks like once again, we have more enemies to fight, more than 350 new types of them, to be exact. But luckily, we do not need to traipse into the rain forest or go deep under water this time. Nope, we just need to climb the Himalayas.
What did they find? The world’s smallest deer and a frog that can fly, along with hundreds more animals that belong to one of P.T. Barnum’s shows. But there is good news, we may not have to go in and kill these things off. No, we can just wait for global warming to do it.
If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a whole bunch of tires I need to burn.
Listen, animal warriors. When you tell us you’re doing your part to keep all animal life at bay, we believe you. Why? Because we thought we could trust you.
So, do you want to explain why scientists found over 1,000 new and thought-to-be-extinct species stuffed in the Mekong Delta? Did you think we wouldn’t eventually look in there?
It’s not just the deception that hurts, but look what’s been sitting in there this whole time:
- 11 million-year-old rats
- Spiders with foot long(!) legspans
- Hot pink cyanide-producing dragon millipedes
- Bright green pit vipers
- Horned bovines
It’s like you’re trying to hide the worst from us.
Fortunately, the people of the Mekong are trying to help clean up your mess.
“There are cultural obstacles to protecting rare species, too. Many restaurants serve them as food. Restaurants often have rickety bamboo floors that one can look through to see cages filled with exotic animals, [Dekila] Chungyalpa [, Director of the World Wildlife Fund’s Mekong Program,] says. The more exotic the animal, the more status it often bestows on the person who consumes it.”
Until you prove that you’re trustworthy, we’re afraid that we cannot give you nice things anymore. Now get back to work. We don’t want to see you until dinner. (It’s Ocelot Helper Night.)