Beer news round up

Fact: We here at SG love beer. Truthfully, we’re probably more beer snobs than non-beer snobs, but if it’s amber and alcoholic, it’ll go down smooth enough. As such, we want to give you the news about beer whenever it’s out. The Guys like to think of it as giving back to the community.

For our fans that live in California, soon you may be able to drink longer. How is that a bad thing? Answer: it’s not.

But don’t worry, East Coast bar-hoppers, there’s news for you too. In New York, patrons of EVR will be able to use Bitcoin, the virtual currency, to pay for their drinks. Sure, it’s just more moon-math like Xbox Live points that make no sense, but why think when you can drink?

Regardless, be careful if you drink a lot. The Germans (retired and now doing science-y stuff after they bombed Pearl Harbor) have discovered arsenic in the filtering process for beer. United States researchers are saying it’s no big thing, as it’s always been there. Will it kill you? Will it not kill you? Who knows, but apparently the chemical makes the delectable nectar sparkle in the light. I’d say that’s a nice trade-off for potential death.

Importing anything with ‘gun’ in its name is probably a bad idea

Police in New York recently arrested a man at JFK airport. Oooh! Was he a terrorist? Probably not. Was he a smuggler? Yes. Oooh! What was he smuggling, something exotic, like, a thousand speckled ostrich eggs, two hundred live Komodo Dragons or custom-made AK-47’s with grenade launcher attachments? Nope.

Just stun guns. Twenty-six stun guns.

Which isn’t big, except stun guns are illegal in New York. Oops. At least they weren’t all shoved into condoms like some smuggled objects (cocaine emus, we’re looking at you).

Scouts pelt foaming beaver

We know the Boys Scouts of America are aggressively anti-dick, having stripped at least one open homosexual of his Eagle Scout award and their ongoing policy to remove any gay scouts or leaders from their ranks. But, it’s OK because they’re anti-beaver, too.

A 51-year-old scout leader, Normand Brousseau, was minding his own business, swimming in the Delaware River when a frothy, foaming at the mouth beaver swam betwixt his legs and launched a surprise attack, possibly thinking he was packing wood. Brousseau grabbed the rabid beaver and threw it, but beaver was too quick and caught back up, attacking him until he could securely grab it, hold its mouth shut and throw it again, this time ashore.

And, at that point, it was on the Boy Scout’s turf. Members of his troop punished that mouthy beaver old school, Leviticus-style: they stoned it to death.

It’s an exchange in the loosest term of the word

Let your alcohol-enjoying taste buds fear tyranny at the gas pump no longer! Beer-anny, as we like to call it, for the longest time, was relegated to forcing a person to drink down the worst swill possible: Icehouse, Bud-anything, Colt 45, King Cobra, Coors, MGD and so forth. At some locations, you might be lucky enough to score a Sam Adam’s sixer, but hope is little and far away. But no more if the gas station you frequent is of the Sunoco brand!

Sunoco has so far piloted its Craft Beer Exchange program at 12 locations and to much success! The program allows customers access to 64-oz. growlers or 6-packs of 12-oz. bottles that can be filled with craft-brew brands like Allagash, Abita, Dogfish Head, and Victory. In other words, beer that actually tastes good. This program will now be tested out in South Carolina and hopefully into other locations!

May your gas tank be full and your mouth be overflowing with tasty beverages! Just not necessarily at the same time.

Crazy for feeling so lonely when there are so many of us

As we prepare for the weekend, we leave you with this thought: is America going crazy? And we don’t mean in that general “oh my god, indefinite detention” or “unchecked tax-dollars spending” way, but legitimately bats%@t crazy?

Consider the case of what doctors are calling mass hysteria in a small town outside Buffalo, NY. 12 teenage girls from LeRoy Junior-Senior High School started displaying Tourettes-like symptoms of tics, stutters and shaking. The New York Department of Health has ruled out any infection, communicable disease, environmental factor or Justin Bieber proximity. And the parents are responding in a manner consistent with raising stressed out, mentally unstable teen girls: by calling the doctors liars on national television.

Then there are the results of the annual National Survey on Drug Use and Health, which indicate that 20 percent of American adults suffer some sort of mental illness, and 5 percent are cuckoo for seriously disrupting work, family or social life (and for Cocoa Puffs, but like in a Lizzie Borden/obsessive way).

If, after reading those stories, you started to wonder if your boss is a psychopath, then lucky you, for CNN has posted a handy, very scientific quiz online. And when you’re done, go ahead and print the results and send them to Human Resources. It’s not psycho to want your boss’ office if you prove they’re more psychotic.

Now it’s cancer rather than hair growing on palms

Okay, remember how in Back to the Future, plutonium was needed to power the DeLorean, but the Libyan terrorists wanted it back?

Now swap in tissue boxes with DeLorean and Bed, Bath & Beyond with Libyan terrorists and you’ve got this story.

A shipment of tissues box covers making their way to the California corner of Bed, Bath & Beyond (if they’ve got time, Saturday’s looking busy) were delayed in their travels. At a truck scale, the radiation sensor was set off, probably setting off tornado sirens and klaxons left and right. The box covers apparently had been coated in low levels of cobalt-60. Triple B is now offering a recall on the products.

The radiation is reportedly not too dangerous to people if they left them in their bathroom, but I have a feeling my old suitemate from college, Sploosh, might have a bad case of testicular cancer if he bought them.

Living in the past through better suing

If you were married 8 years ago and divorced 5 years later, what’s the surefire way to recoup your costs after the costly legal battle? Why, sue the wedding photographer, of course.

Todd Remis of New York is suing H&H Photographers for the sum of 48 thousand dollars. That sounds like a fairly large amount of money, especially considering Remis was charged 4100 dollars for wedding photography (to which, Remis claims that the last 15 minutes of the wedding were missed by the crew and only 2 hours of a promised 6 hour film were recorded). So, the extra money?

Remis wants the remaining amount in order to recreate the wedding and fly both him and his now ex-wife (who, mind you, has fallen off the grid somewhere in Eastern Europe) to New York so that it can be recorded by another photographer.

That doesn’t sound outlandish at all.

Take it from Snee: Mars needs strippers!

An interstate brouhaha is underway between Houston, Texas and New York City over the final resting place for the space shuttle Enterprise.

The shuttle, which never flew in space, but was the test model for what became the workhorse of our space program, was awarded to New York’s Intrepid Sea, Air and Space Museum, while Houston possibly receive the Explorer, a full-scale mock-up shuttle, and the finger from all living shuttle astronauts. (Which is actually kind of hard to organize, you f%@king ingrates.)

Rep. Ted Poe and Pete Olson (R-Texas) and Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson are using the proximity of a strip club to contest the shuttle’s proposed location, which is right across the street from the rest of the museum. They believe that this “is no way to treat a precious space artifact.”

But, what if the shuttle inspired those strippers to work their way through college studying science and aerospace? Then the esteemed busybodies from Texas would be interfering in my plans to restore the U.S. space program. And, brother? Space strippers is just the beginning. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Mars needs strippers!

It’s like a Moebius strip of cholesterol guilt

Do you feel the walls closing in on you? After the walls close in, do you feel it opening up, only for the pattern to continue over and over and over? You might and potentially should. You see, a … potentially larger than average gentleman is suing White Castle for not making their booths big enough (we’re choosing our words carefully because someone is clearly a bit more publicly litigious than most).

Stockbroker Martin Kessman has had much difficulty fitting into the stationary booths in the Nanuet White Castle location. After leaving the fast food spot, he wrote up a complaint letter, where he claims to have received three condescending return letters. He’s now suing for larger seats under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Quotes from the story include:

“They’re stationary booths,” he told The Post. “I’m not humongous, [but] I’m a big guy. I could not wedge myself in.”

There’s no word in the story about Kessman becoming ostracized from the restaurant, so:

My wife went and picked up the burgers … because I did not want to set foot into the store,” he said. “Any subsequent trips to the store have been made by my wife — I have been like an outcast.”

Here’s a bit of free advice for people who have similar difficulties from yours truly: if you’re in a similar situation, maybe you should apply it upon yourself as advice for the future rather than a critique of yourself stop treating your self-created obesity as a disability.

Cocaine is a helluva disease

I’ve heard from people both famous and not famous that getting high on cocaine is a fantastic high. Life feels amazing, you feel great and people look better. Sure, the come down is rough, but when the high is that great, what could make you want to not do the drug?

A flesh-eating disease would usually rank as one of the options, at least, I would think.

Said disease has begun appearing in outbreaks in New York and Los Angeles. It’s being reported that the cocaine is being mixed with levamisole, a drug normally used by vets to treat farm animals, and thanks to the skin-rotting effects of the drug, users are seeing their skin turn black with dying skin. Oh, and one last wonderful tidbit: over 80 percent of the country’s coke supply has the veterinarian drug in it. So there’s that.

Snort well, people.