Tag: new zealand

The McBournie Minute: I am now a broken man

It’s all over, folks. There is nothing left to explore. There are no new wonders in the world to discover–at least when it comes to alcohol. And it’s all the New Zealand Antarctic Heritage Trust’s fault. (Side note: Is there an Old Zealand?)

The trust found the fabled lost whiskey of Sir Ernest Shackleton, which has been mellowing in the permafrost for a century. One can imagine it’s quite smooth at this point, more importantly, it was the booze of the famous explorer. Apparently the whiskey was sitting underneath Shackleton’s hut in Antarctica. The bottles were still in their boxes.

From what it sounds like, they’re not even planning to open them up and enjoy the liquor of a great man. What a waste. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: I am now a broken man

Down under round up

Remember the Sex Party of Australia? Yeah, we know, it’s been a very long time, but they’re back, and they’re back with a vengeance. They’ve now begun reporting that the Australian Classification Board has begun rounding up any material depicting women with less than substantially sized breasts in adult publications and film-for an immediate banning. Now, we’re not going to just automatically Godwin the ACB, but, well … we do enjoy snickering when the word “titzi” is spoken.

The reason for this discrimination of the A and A- crowd? The ACB feels that this is a way to prevent pedophilia, in a nutshell. To boil it down, they want to make sure people aren’t turned on and getting all sex-crazed over small breasts, and thus are making sure that all the young-looking women must have really large breasts.

Anyone but me see the basic flaw here?

But wait-there’s more! A burglar broke into the house of the Sciascia family and ran off with an iPod and Xbox. One problem: the legs of Papa Sciascia weren’t exactly up to snuff. The solution? 11 year old Rena grabbed dad’s crutch and gave chase. For 500 meters. The police later tracked down the alleged burglar. Rena’s iPod was lost, but her Xbox was found in a bush near the family’s home. The burglar was never named, for obvious reasons of not wanting to die of embarrassment.

Double standards haven’t been this rough since Susan B. Anfernee

It’s well established that standards for sexual attractiveness in men and women differ, and would seem to have done so well along the way back down the evolutionary chain; an older, established male has a stronger troupe, while younger females have more breeding years in them.

In New Zealand, it just means that older women tend to fly a lot more.

Bank error in your favor, collect $6 million

Oh sure, maybe your life isn’t going so hot right now, financially speaking, but for a few residents of Secret Pirate Island, in today’s economy, they can’t afford to not be millionaires.

A New Zealand couple were mistakenly given 10 million dollars by their bank. Apparently, it is now on like Donkey Kong. Help from Interpol, those dastardly international do-gooders, has been requested. It’s suspected that the couple have fled to Hong Kong with the money. That’ll buy a whole lot of chicken feet.

Comparatively speaking, it might be kind of fun to live that sort of life, always being on the run, buying yachts that lead to boat chases on the high seas, probably wearing sweet t-shirt/suit combinations.

Bikini bottom at your own risk

Forget football. Screw soccer. New Zealand is at it again, as they’ve found a new sexy sport to obsess over: bikini snowboarding! And bikini skiing! And bikini-well, everything else that people do on the slopes. The temperature might have to drop somewhat before the fun begins, but these girls are somehow managing to keep the lads at lodgers’ cabin warm already. Or maybe that’s the alcohol.

Let’s just go with a little bit of column A, and a little bit of column B.

‘Boobs on Bikes’–yes, we said it

A New Zealand court will allow adult film stars tp ride motorcycles topless (the women) through the streets of Wellington, the country’s largest city. Last year, more than 800,000 people showed up for a similar show, which more or less makes the whole thing not so offensive to the public.

New Zealanders are known for two things: The Lord of the Rings trilogy and overall craziness. This is not the first time public nudity has been allowed in an urban area, and we suspect it will not be the last, either.

On a related note, The Guys will be blogging live from “Boobs on Bikes” later this month.

Attack of the cloned pitbulls (and dinosaur relatives)

We all remember back in 1997, when the Scottish cloned Dolly, The Sheep That Will Send Us All Into A Moral Abyss. But since then, aside from a few cloned things here and there, we have been fairly safe in terms of force multipliers. No more.

An American woman had DNA from her pitbull dog Booger used to make a litter of clones in South Korea. Great, just what the world needs, more pitbulls. Only these pitbulls are super pitbulls because they are all identical and probably share the same thoughts through a psychic connection.

This is horrible news. As Bob Barker likes to remind us any time we sit down with him, there are way too many pets in the world as it is. They breed like vermin because they basically are, so who are we to decide which ones get to be copied and which ones eat out of the dumpster? We need to solve this problem by eliminating them all before they grow out of hand.

Speaking of multiplying, a rare lizard in New Zealand is still at it after 110 years. He is going to become a father. The geezer lizard did not like females for years until scientist found a tumor near his genitals and removed it. Now it seems he is back in action as an eligible bachelor. This species is rare and we need to keep it that way. Who wants an omlette?