Tag: new zealand

Comparing apples and Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii

Ever get sick of those ridiculous celebrity baby names? It started with Apple, now we’ve moved on to baby Suri, and the possibility of Matthew “Bongos” McConaughey naming his son after the European beer, Bud. Well one New Zealand judge has had enough, and finally decided to start killing off idiot celbs take matters in to his own hands/court.

Rob Murfitt has legally made an area couple change their daughter’s name from Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. While the girl’s new name has not been released, speculations of Dora The Explorer and Debbie Does Dallas are floating around.

Try hooting next time for better service

In recent weeks, SeriouslyGuys has taken on the concept of catcalling and how it affects the world. Apparently, so did New Zealand.

As a tourist was visiting an ATM while in the country, some local road workers began “wolf-whistling”, which is apparently the Zeke equivalent to catcalling. Angered and fed up with all the pressure of her life, not able to take any more crap that’s been thrown her way but prepared to fully take cold and ruthless justice into her own hands, the morose yet infuriated woman did the only thing that she could … and stripped. She then used the ATM, put her clothes back on and visited the local law enforcement.

She was, of course, spoken to about how that “was inappropriate in New Zealand.”

Weed–it’s the new greenback

As funny as it is, this is real money. Marijuana is not this. It’s quite clearly the age old question (at least, apparently in New Zealand), passed down from one generation of yokel to another-can I pay with cannabis? No, you cannot pay with cannabis. Just because it’s green does not mean that it can be substituted for green legal tender.

Surprise, surprise, that apparently never stopped a guy at a service station in New Zealand from having that radical train of thought. Seemingly out of money, the lad decided to offer marijuana as payment for his gas fill-up … along with two bags of M&M’s and a bag of potato chips. Way to break the stereotype there, guy. Alas, he’ll never know if his hippy utopian world of trading sticky-icky for products and services will come to be, as he apparently never noticed the police car outside of the station, nor the driver of the police car right behind him in the paying line. Yet again, way to break the stereotype there, guy.

Fighting the growing threats of animals, teenagers

If there’s one thing the Sega Genesis taught a generation, it’s that hedgehogs are speedy, blue creatures that wear only shoes and gloves–they are not toys. But what we often forget is that they are still animals, and because they are animals, they want to kill us.

Hedgehogs have spiny backs that protect them from Dr. Robotnik’s evil robots sent to destroy them. They also have powers of mind control, as a man in New Zealand found out recently. For some reason, he picked up a hedgehog, which was curled up because it was revving up to get enough speed to make it around the loop, and threw it at a teenager.

The man was charged with assault with a weapon. The teen, whose leg was injured in the attack, is fine, but the happiest news is that the hedgehog is dead.

Side note: It is with great sadness that The Guys report the death of Bryan Schools, who passed away from blog-related illness. We will miss you, Bryan. Have a drink with Jesus for us.

The enemy hits a new low

There are some issues that even we here at SG stay away from. There are just some topics you can’t find the lighter side in, at least not without hitting some nerves. That’s why we stay away from important topics like Iraq, women’s issues and Britney Spears. Until recently, there was a fourth taboo topic on that list, but because of our dedication to covering the War on Animals, we are going to cover it. Yes, our animal enemies have stooped to rape.

A New Zealand man told police he had been raped by a wombat. Really. But already a victim, the courts did not take a kind view to his story and sentenced him to 75 hours of community service. The man was unable to prove in court that he had been violated by said animal and was found to have been wasting police time.

The man had called police ranting about being raped by a wombat and said he needed immediate assistance. Shortly afterward, he called back and said he was OK and that the wombat had “pulled out.” Yeesh.

Quite possibly the greatest quote of all time: “‘Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty all right you know, I didn’t hurt my bum at all.'”

If you or someone you know has been the victim of sexual assault from an animal, please don’t hesitate to get help.

They are helping each other!

This blog talks about it, surmises it and even reads between the headlines to find it. But there is no denying it this time. The animals are working together.

In New Zealand, two pygmy sperm whales (you can tell they are pygmies by their short stature and nose rings) lay beached on … well, a beach earlier today. Then a bottlenose dolphin came up and showed the disoriented whales the way back to sea. There is no denying they are on the same side and are trying to save each other for some massive attack that is coming very soon.

It should also be noted that there were human traitors trying to rescue the whales.

“‘They kept getting disorientated and stranding again,’ said Smith, who was among the rescuers. ‘They obviously couldn’t find their way back past (the sandbar) to the sea.'”

Yeah, well that’s when you let beaching whales lie. If they are too stupid to find water, something which they call their home their entire lives, then it’s time they become seagull food.