With the end of the holiday season, and the beginning of “Oh crap, we still have months left of this miserable weather” season, we often try to find things to believe in. We all need that thing to hope for, to look forward to, to get us through. It’s a stupid mental trick we do to ourselves.
It’s time we stop tricking ourselves into looking forward to things. It’s going to be crappy for a long time, and the sooner we all acknowledge this, the better our chances are of moving on. We don’t need winter escapism, we need to face reality and somehow make our peace with it. It’s unfair of us to put so much pressure on these things we hope for.
So I’m here to tell you why you shouldn’t get excited about things around the corner. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Don’t get excited
As a very, very limited number of you may have noticed, there is currently no NHL season because of a dispute between the players and the owners. We know this is devastating to all of you.
The hardest hit are Canadians, who now face not only the prospect of going a year without their beloved sport, but having nothing else to do during winter, the worst time to live in Canada. But the adult toy industry has been benefiting from from the lockout.
Adult toy makers say that their boost in sales this fall, up 15% since October, is a direct result of there being no hockey to watch. The Canucks have managed to find other way to entertain themselves, which could lead to a lockout baby boom.
The World Cup is here. No, really, it is. I had the same reaction, myself, “Hey, is that the international soccer thing?” Turns out, yes it is, and they play it only once every four years. It’s like the Olympics of soccer–if the Olympics didn’t have soccer. If you were busy getting your iPad hacked, odds are you missed it.
Helen Thomas retires, wig’s fate uncertain
Reporter Helen Thomas goes against the grain. First off, she’s a woman reporter, and she’s been one much longer than society trusted females with writing news stories. On top of that, she’s an anti-Semite (take THAT, everyone who thinks “the Jews” control the media!). Thomas, who has been part of the White House Press corps. since the Lincoln administration, stepped down this week after she said in a video interview that Israelis should go home and give Palestine back. The Jews who control the media were not pleased.
Chicago has only one cursed team left
The Chicago Blackhawks are the latest team to end a championship drought, after winning the Stanley Cup this week. The Blackhawks defeated the Philadelphia Flyers in six games. This is Chicago’s first Cup since 1961, and means a lot to–hey! HEY! Come back, I’ll move on. I promise.
What you talkin’ ’bout, Shannon?
Right on time, the fight for Gary Coleman’s legacy has begun. Despite being divorced since 2008, Shannon Price believes she has the final say over Coleman’s estate, especially his money. Oh, and she also sold a picture of herself with him on his death bed to tabloids. Has anyone told this grave gold digger that Gary Coleman really didn’t have that much money?
Pittsburgh and Los Angeles had a heck of a weekend, as I understand it. I didn’t watch either game, mostly because I don’t care about any of the teams, but I know how they turned out. Kobe Bryant has a non-Shaq-related ring, and Bing Sidney Crosby gets to carry around a big silvery cup for a day.
I’m not here to talk about the sports, I’m not even here to talk about why I don’t care about who won and who lost. No, I am here to ask–why not my city? When will I get a chance to burn a police car?
This has been a recurring theme in my life. I never end up living in the city of a championship team, and when one of my teams does win the championship of whatever sport it is they play, everyone heads downtown to climb a few lamp posts and smash some windows. Meanwhile, I’m hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: When do I get to riot?
For the past several weeks, Congress has been handing out money like candy on Halloween. (Technically, it’s been doing this since 1787, but let’s stick to today.) Banks, car manufacturers and the banks again have put on their best costumes and knocked on Congress’ door. Lawmakers have been only too happy to give what the executives want, mostly because they look so cute in their little outfits.
Since the Congressional lottery continues, I have come up with a few other things that are worth of billion-dollar bailouts. Should I ever be called to testify, I would be happy to make my case. Until then, this new device, this series of tubes will have to do. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: We need more bailouts