We didn’t want to know her name in the first place, but now Snooki no longer wants be referred to by her stupid nickname. Instead, she’d rather we call her by her real name, Nicole.
That’s nice, dear, and we’ll get right on that. But, before that happens, could you remind us just what you do for a living?
Bryan Schools is still learning what it’s like to go the rest of his life without sex, so I’m filling in for him this week. Here’s “Take These Sports from Snee and Eat Them.”
I’m not about to say that the entire sporting world is in trouble. But, certain teams and players could use a–ahem–boost:
That was the stands from last night’s Baltimore/Kansas City game at Camden Yard. Granted, it had rained all day and night, but even if you lived next door, would you bother to attend to watch the Orioles and the Royals? The title card alone sounds like it was pronounced by Foghorn Leghorn after a stroke.
They’re not alone. Detroit fans were already hesitant to spend money of Lions games, but now they’re abandoning the city and surrounding suburbs. How do you justify spending cash (we assume they still sell tickets) to a Kid Rock crowd?
You give them exactly why they watch Syfy and USA, and it’s not for Eureka or Psych; it’s for professional wrestling. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Can’t spell ‘sports entertainment’ without ‘sports’
Oh, to be a fly on the wall at the Blackwater nicknaming ritual …
Sgt. Blutarsky: From now on, your Blackwater nickname is “Weasel.”
From now on, your name is “Mothball.”
Kroger, your Blackwater nickname is “Pinto.”
Kroger: Why “Pinto?”
Sgt. Blutarsky: [belches] Why not?!
Dorfman: What’s my Blackwater name?
Sgt. Blutarsky: Dorfman, I’ve given this a lot of thought. From now on … your name is “Savage Viking.”
Dorfman: … “Savage Viking?“
Apparently, Blackwater’s attorneys think it reflects poorly on their defendants when their mercenary nicknames are used in court during muder trials. Really, who would convict someone named “Murder” of murder based solely on their name? That seems awfully “Extreme” or even “Savage.”
Let this blog state for the record that I want my Blackwater nickname to be Jagged Metal Cock.
(Special thanks to Matt Staggs.)