You Missed It: End of 2012 edition

It's how I do my thinking.
It’s how I do my thinking.

Oh, hello there. I’m just here sitting back in my smoking jacket and enjoying a nice whiskey on the rocks (my third). You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about 2012. It really sucked, didn’t it? Stop and think about it for a minute, did anything good happen this year to anyone but Psy? Not really. However, it certainly was a wild, memorable ride. Perhaps it was the looming threat of the end of the world. It could be the heavy buzz I’ve got going, but I feel like looking back on the biggest stories of this year. Grab a drink and join me, won’t you?

January:

Swingin’ Gingrich
Marianne Gingrich made her ex-husband, Newt, look even worse by dropping the bombshell that he wanted to have an open marriage. Apparently this is worse than asking your wife for a divorce when she’s recovering from cancer treatments in the hospital. Mitt Romney didn’t see what the big deal is–you can have more than one wife, right?

Also, they battle Hitler
In a story that can only end well, scientists in New York made “supersoldier” ants. I’m not really sure why this was so important to do, but now there are ants with really large heads. Their heads are so large that they are able to block the entrances to their nest when it comes under attack. Also, they do this really cool shield-throwing trick.

Equal time rule
A year away from inauguration day, and President Barack Obama was out on the campaign trail. He was raising funds, and he’d do just about anything for your money. At The Apollo, he noted that Rev. Al Green was in the audience, and did his own version of “Let’s Stay Together,” well a few bars of it, anyway. And he’s got the chops for it, too. The American public got to hear his pipes more along the campaign trail when he sang “Red Solo Cup” in Missouri. Continue reading You Missed It: End of 2012 edition

Do immortals walk amongst us?

No, of course not. Don’t be silly.

They only fly First Class, and it costs $20 to see them in 3D.

According to the leader in news, eBay, photographic evidence of immortality — or at least Biblically-long life — and, well, you’re not going to like who it is. One is being sold of John Travolta, and another is of Nicolas Cage. (The Nic Cage photo auction is no longer active.)

In each case, the poster suggested some outlandish story about the two being time travelers or vampires, but let’s not get crazy here. First of all, you can’t take a picture of a vampire because their pale skin and oily hair reflect the flash back into the aperture. And a time traveler? Please. No self-respecting time traveler would pay the big bucks to develop it when there are perfectly good photo fun centers at amusement parks.

No, sometimes people just won’t die, no matter how many terrible movies they make.

Get arrested angry, in 3D

Nicolas Cage owes the United States government a lot of money. And when I say a lot, I mean A LOT. Unfortunately, he may be owing some more money to another government, albeit at the city level.

Cage was arrested in New Orleans (“You don’t have a lucky crack pipe?”) after getting drunk and getting loud with his wife. And yes, one of the charges he was booked on was domestic abuse battery. But if we ended the story on just that note, we’d be nothing more than journalists. No, dear reader, we’re not going to end it on that. You see, there’s a key part of the story that SG would like to point out.

Nicolas Cage was arrested after he got drunk in the city’s French Quarter and argued in the street with his wife over whether a house they were in front of was theirs,

It’s very important to focus on the bold. Because, people, that’s a whole new level of drunk.