The 2016 Rio Olympics are finally here, and it’s going to be a literal s&%$ show. From the toxic water, to the incomplete facilities and the guest appearance of the Zika virus, this just isn’t looking good. Given what we’ve seen so far, I will be shocked if we don’t see some sort of major security or public health issue arise as a result of these games. Maybe we need to stop doing this, or just having them in the same place every time. If you were busy picking a fight with a baby this week, odds are you missed it.
Obama administration’s greatest accomplishment
This week, a bombshell of a story was released, finding that for the first time since 1979, the federal government’s dietary guidelines did not include flossing your teeth. The government acknowledged that there was no scientific evidence that flossing daily made a significant impact on one’s oral health. So that thing you never did in the first place? Keep on not doing it.
Dr. Moreau’s funding restored
The National Institutes of Health this week lifted its ban on funding experiments creating part-human, part-animal embryos. This is great news, because I was having a lot of trouble creating my army of centaurs with my own measly funds.
Virginia is for lovers of meth
The mayor of Fairfax, Virginia was arrested this week after authorities said he tried to give an undercover police officer methamphetamine in exchange for sex. That mayor’s name: Rob Ford.,
But, what’s interesting are the relative levels of depression among the tested beverages. People who drank diet soda were 30 percent more likely to be depressed, while regular soda drinkers only had a 22 percent risk. Fruit punch drinkers, however, were 38 percent more depressed than their non-fruit punch drinking peers.
But, the most depressing statistic? People who drank diet fruit punch were 51 percent more likely to be depressed than anyone else. The lesson here? Diet fruit punch — or diet fruit punch drinkers — is more depressing than a Sarah McLachlan and Sally Struthers duet.