Ninjas. Not since 1991 have they been used for good. Sadly, in the past 21 years, they’ve only been used for the forces of evil. Well no longer!
A theater in England will now be using a ninja task force in order to keep the movie-going experience quiet and orderly. As a fan of both ninjas and movies, I wholeheartedly support such a notion and hope it makes its way across the pond to our great shores.
Except for the potential of molestation thing. That’s kind of creepy. But hey, ninjas gotta be ninjas, right?
Your eyes do not deceive you: we’re reviewing American Ninja 4: The Annihilation before American Ninja 3. See, there’s a logic for that-Our Lord Dudikoff never made an appearance in the third movie of the great American movie series. Luckily, he showed up to the franchise for THE GREATEST NINJA FILM EVER.
Don’t let my words fool you. This movie isn’t filed under the movie morts for no reason. It’s bad. Oh, it’s bad. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘American Ninja 4’
Before we get started with this week’s questions, I just want to remind you that your health insurance provider no longer covers consultations. By reading this, you agree to pay your entire bill within 90 days. No take backs!
Dear Dr. Snee,
Why is swine flu back? I thought it was gone.
–Reinflating My Bubble
Three words, RMB: slow news week.
Viruses don’t go away; they just get bumped for more interesting headlines if they don’t kill enough people. Continue reading Take it from Dr. Snee: Teach your kids to masturbate
Piracy is something we all live with. We do it every time we download a new song or movie on our favorite Torrent application. Of course, The Pirate Bay got smacked with a conviction in Sweden recently, so they may or may not be out of the picture.
Then there is the rise in piracy off the coast of Somalia. Desperate men and teenagers are taking to the seas to seek fortune, or a sniper’s bullet, depending on how things go. Pirates, thanks to the movies, have enjoyed a pop culture celebration, complete with eye patches and peg legs. But we’re all missing the big issue.
Ninjas are coming. It’s only a matter of time. The resurgence in piracy can only mean that there will be an equal and opposite resurgence in ninjaism. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: We are not prepared for the ninja threat
I’ve spent most of this past weekend watching movies. Lots of movies. Special movies. Grainy movies.
Neeeeenja movies. Hey, I was bored and low on money-it happens. Sometimes the movies were terrible, so bad in fact that you had to laugh. But sometimes that was what made them so good. The crazier the ninja stunts were, the more you wanted to see what else the ninja could do. For example, Ninja III – The Domination has the ninja at the beginning take hundreds of bullets and still live long enough to pass on his ninja soul. Unfortunately, the majority of the movies were just bad. Not the entire former category, but just bad.
It’s not that easy to create a ninja movie. The Ninja Labor Unions are not easy to work with. There are certain rules for film and ninjas. Those that don’t follow them are subject to seppuku. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: Go nina, go ninja go