Tag: Nintendo

Even Charlie Brown’s laughing at you, kid

Because she’s a cool mom, Jody Wykle, of Lake Wales, Fla., gave her son Guitar Hero: On Tour even though he didn’t have a DS, just so she could make the guy squirm while she played clueless. Then, surprise! She handed over the DS – a sealed box, mind you – and when he opened it, things got unintentionally a lot worse.

“When he opened it, he was like, ‘A box of rocks?‘” Wykle told WTSP-TV. “He said, ‘Mom, that ain’t a joke.'”

Indeedy not, especially for a $138 handheld. She went back to Walmart, which gave her the not-our-problem treatment – until Jody called in the media, at which point it very much became their problem. They promptly refunded the DS and shelled out a gift card. Before getting the refund, Wykle bought a second DS, just so her son could have a proper birthday present. “I made them open it while I was there to make sure there was a DS in it,” she told WTSP.

Here’s the kicker: Seems that box of rocks had been returned before. WONK WONK WONK.

Wii would like a jail cell

Mohamed Zeki Mahjoub is an Egyptian who received political asylum in Canada, and then was imprisoned as a terror suspect for his close ties to Osama bin Laden’s business and other unsavory folks. After six-and-a-half years in “Guantanamo North” (what do they do, poutine-board you?), he got his release, but a judge imposed some strict requirements on him, still finding him to be a risk to Canadian national security.

Among them: no Internet access. Since the Wii has a connection and a browser on board, bye-bye Mario Kart! Somehow, despite Nintendo’s super-junked up online code system, it’s theoretically possible to send a message to fellow terrorists. The authorities confiscated the console.

Mahjoub says that this, along with other onerous conditions of his release, has destroyed his family life, so he’s asked to be returned to the prison Canada set up in Ottawa to house terror suspects.

Nintendo: making the world better for possible terrorists, one Mii at a time.

Nintendo DS: the latest secret terrorist

Rampant PSP fanboyism can totally be seen in households.

A mother in Indiana is currently kicking up a stink after discovering an alleged religious vaguely Islamic secret terrorist gibberish gobbledygook message in the Nintendo DS game Baby Pals. Purchased for her 8-year-old daughter, the game speaks a phrase of gibberish that sounds kind of like “Islam is the light.” CONTROVERSY ENSUES.

This would be hilarious if the woman’s history wasn’t so pathetic patriotic. Rachel Jones discovered the offending utterance first in the Fisher-Price’s Little Mommy Cuddle ‘n Coo doll, then later coincidentally in a copy of Baby Pals she had purchased for her daughter. Meaning that Crave and Nintendo are nothing but secret terrorists. Clearly.

Fun Fact: Baby Pals came out in October 2007, a year before the row about the doll.

“Not just my daughters’ toys, but we have a son too,” Jones told Terre Haute’s WTHI News 10. “Now I feel like I need to listen to all of his little toys to make sure they’re not saying it.”

Fun Fact: The ability of fake babies to exert absolute influence on real children through nonsensical endorsements of religion is well-known. And it’s science. American science.

No word was given on whether the word “light” used in the phrase was meant as “light” or “Lite”.

The Oval Office gets a square console

STOP THE PRESSES! STOP THE PRESSES! ZOMG, WE HAVE BREAKING NEWS!

In an article in the New York Times in which our soon-to-be President predicts a Florida win over Oklahoma in tonight’s BCS championship game, it is revealed that Barack Obama’s daughters received a shiny new Nintendo console when Santa Claus visited this year. And by Santa Claus, I mean the taxpayers.

“Mr. Obama said he’d have his hands full attempting to rescue the American economy. But he has gotten in a little practice in bowling lately on the Nintendo Wii his daughters received for Christmas. Mr. Obama, who famously struggled in bowling during last year’s Democratic primaries, said he performs better in the video game.”

That’s right people: the soon-to-be-President of the free world is a Nintendo fanboy. Prepare for Reggie Fils-Aime to become Secretary of Meat.

I don’t need a therapist, I need a Game Boy!

When I was in high school, I was in a car accident I luckily walked away from, yet I was still haunted by flashbacks hours later. Turns out this is a symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. If only I had known about the medicinal wonders of Tetris.

Oxford University researchers who apparently have a lot of free time on their hands are saying the video game Tetris can help fight PTSD and memories of traumatic incidents if played shortly afterward. It could be used to help people involved in accidents (assuming they can use their fingers) and soldiers returning from war (same caveat).

We firmly believe there is another, older way of dealing with traumatic incidents.

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Super Mario Bros.’

SeriouslyGuys turned two earlier this week. This can mean two things: 1) it’s March, and 2) if it’s March, then it’s the season for the birthdays of both my mother and my younger brother. And, faithful reader, how do I celebrate those birthdays? With the triumphant return of “MasterChugs March Movie Mort Month.” Yes, loyal SG-ites will remember that during the month of our birthday, I celebrate the absolute bottom of the film world. Be afraid, as it’s not going to be a fun ride. What’s the first bump? A little film called Super Mario Bros. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Super Mario Bros.’

Take it from Snee: Wii’s days are numbered

Now that Sony’s Blu-Ray has defeated Toshiba’s HD-DVD format, there is no reason not to buy a Playstation 3.  The Nintendo Wii has coasted on novelty, but its failures as a serious gaming platform will be no match for a PS3 market.

Don’t get me wrong: the Wii is pretty cool. I own one, but I still ignore most of my real world responsibilities with my computer. The ability to throw my wiimote through my LCD screen doesn’t make up for its shortcomings. Besides, I can already do that with my remote control.

Continue reading Take it from Snee: Wii’s days are numbered

Wii would like to teddy bear

Wii would also like to helmet. A recent look through the European Patent Office has uncovered some slightly “different” and utterly hilarious ideas from the house of Nintendo. Seriously, they’re head-scratchingly dumb. If you thought Nintendo couldn’t get lower than The Virtual Boy or R.O.B, then perhaps you might enjoy the Wii-peddle.

Considering just a little bit of the crap to come out of Nintendo’s peripheral catalog over the years (and just think of the upcoming third party peripherals, like the Wii attaché case), these shouldn’t even be surprising, but hopefully, considering this document of ideas was patented in March 2006, we won’t see too many of them brought to life. But then, the company that releases a big white pressure pad for a fitness game (now strengthened to hold fat Americans) is capable of anything.