And next year, he’ll be old enough to go to sex-ed class

You remember Alfie, don’t you? He’s the newly made thirteen year old father that loves playing games that he’s actually not old enough to play. Wellllll, now that’s only a kinda.

A DNA test cleared Alfie of fatherly responsibility, but rather than celebrating his freedom by spending the diaper money on beer and hair gel, he’s reported to be “devastated.” No one knows who the real father is, either. But with the youngest candidate removed, it makes this following statement non operative:

“It’s an indication that we’ve lost our way, that people don’t know the difference between right and wrong,” said Sir Bernard Ingham, former press secretary to former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. “The plain fact is society can’t proceed on this basis. I think this is an indication of broken Britain.”

Of course, a girl is still a mother at age 15, and even worse, she has no idea who the father is, but you know, that kind of shame is a dime a dozen, certainly doesn’t rise to a moral crisis. Even better, now Alfie gets to celebrate “Not a Father’s Day!”