Toilet paper and other ways foreign governments enslave their citizens

We’re so worried about how our government is continually stripping us of our basic rights that we forget that other countries’ governments are doing the same thing to their citizens. What say we take a look abroad?

In China, you’re going to have to learn to wipe really efficiently if you use a public restroom. People in Beijing have been stealing toilet paper from public restrooms, and Chinese officials have cracked down in a high-tech way: machines that give you two feet of toilet paper after scanning your face. If that’s not enough TP for you, you’re s$#% out of luck, because the machine won’t let you get more for another nine minutes.

And in fascist-controlled Canada, the province of Nova Scotia won’t let Lorne Grabher put his last name on his license plate. “GRABHER” has been the family’s license plate for a quarter of a century, but the province canceled it in January, deeming it profane.

We’re fairly certain that here in America, our president would proudly support such a plate.

The McBournie Minute: You’re not moving to Canada

For as long as there has been a United States of America, there has been a Canada sitting on top of it. Except for that time when there were two Canadas. I think there was a War Between the Provinces or something, I’m not up on Canadian history. But Canada has been there for a really, really long time.

It’s been there in our time of need. The Canadians were there to supply us with booze when Americans decided that we should all stop drinking for some reason. It has also given us some great comedians and mostly crappy musicians, all while letting us film our movies and TV shows there for tax purposes.

So it seems natural that we would see it as a place of refuge today. But you really need to stop that nonsense. You’re not moving to Canada. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: You’re not moving to Canada

Some animals want to watch the world burn

This is what a fish-stuffed hydrant looks like.
This is what a fish-stuffed hydrant looks like.

We’ve seen an increase in attack on infrastructure in recent weeks. Most notably, birds knocking out our nuclear power plants. But the animals have gotten even craftier.

In Nova Scotia, Canada, firefighters rushed to the scene of a grass fire this week, probably because there aren’t many building there to catch fire. When they hooked up the hose to a fire hydrant, no water came out. They later found that the hydrant was completely clogged with fish.

The good news here is that we’re still finding new ways to kill fish, but the bad news is that this tactic could put us all in danger.