Take it from Snee: Leave your gun in Missouri or stay home

Nanny states are only hurting themselves by not letting Officer Fedora Mansplain in with the tools to protect us.

If you don’t live in Texas, yet have a disclaimer in your science textbook that “evolution is a theory,” then you may have a good idea why The Concealed-Carry Reciprocity Act is a terrible idea. Of all the addled ideas to come from the minds of people who can’t walk into a coffee shop without the push-button power of life and death in their pocket, this particular brainfart bears the distinction of trumping states’ rights and making everyone less safe.

And if reason doesn’t sway you, the votes of 231 of our current U.S. Representatives should. Unless you want to be considered as smart as a Congressman.

So, why does the NRA want states to recognize the concealed carry permits of places like Missouri, where anyone can “constitutionally carry” concealed guns, with or without a permit? (Quick side question: how well does this go over in the non-backwater areas of Missouri, like St. Louis? I’m sure the police there are all about helping black people arm themselves with more than Skittles and cell phones.)

Because white people are f*cking nihilists. And it’s exhausting.  Continue reading Take it from Snee: Leave your gun in Missouri or stay home

You Missed It: End of 2012 edition

It's how I do my thinking.
It’s how I do my thinking.

Oh, hello there. I’m just here sitting back in my smoking jacket and enjoying a nice whiskey on the rocks (my third). You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about 2012. It really sucked, didn’t it? Stop and think about it for a minute, did anything good happen this year to anyone but Psy? Not really. However, it certainly was a wild, memorable ride. Perhaps it was the looming threat of the end of the world. It could be the heavy buzz I’ve got going, but I feel like looking back on the biggest stories of this year. Grab a drink and join me, won’t you?

January:

Swingin’ Gingrich
Marianne Gingrich made her ex-husband, Newt, look even worse by dropping the bombshell that he wanted to have an open marriage. Apparently this is worse than asking your wife for a divorce when she’s recovering from cancer treatments in the hospital. Mitt Romney didn’t see what the big deal is–you can have more than one wife, right?

Also, they battle Hitler
In a story that can only end well, scientists in New York made “supersoldier” ants. I’m not really sure why this was so important to do, but now there are ants with really large heads. Their heads are so large that they are able to block the entrances to their nest when it comes under attack. Also, they do this really cool shield-throwing trick.

Equal time rule
A year away from inauguration day, and President Barack Obama was out on the campaign trail. He was raising funds, and he’d do just about anything for your money. At The Apollo, he noted that Rev. Al Green was in the audience, and did his own version of “Let’s Stay Together,” well a few bars of it, anyway. And he’s got the chops for it, too. The American public got to hear his pipes more along the campaign trail when he sang “Red Solo Cup” in Missouri. Continue reading You Missed It: End of 2012 edition

You Missed It: Backfire edition

"I've asked Batman here to personally train all of the volunteers."
“I’ve asked Batman here to personally train the volunteers.”

So, when’s the next Doomsday estimate? Does anyone know? For a couple years now, it’s been one after another. We had the crazy guy with the church (which could be said for pretty much any End of Days prediction, really), saying the world was going to end two different times. Today, we proved the Mayans wrong. At some point, waiting for the world to end turns into wanting the world to end. If you were raptured this week, odds are you missed it.

A cop on every corner
Exactly one week after 26 people, including 20 elementary-school students, were murdered at the hands of a crazed shooter with legally-acquired assault weapons, the NRA broke its silence. The NRA’s Wayne LaPierre blamed the media, video games, movies, music videos, natural disasters, the Obama administration and more as the cause of the shooting. But not guns. The group called for an armed police officer to be assigned to every school in the U.S., and if funding can’t be found, have armed volunteers patrol instead. Because the only thing that can keep an armed stranger from roaming the halls of our schools is an armed stranger roaming the halls of our schools.

The long, strange lives of Olympians
Olympians may live longer than the average human because they lead active lifestyles, according to a study released this week. In unrelated news, The Smoking Gun found that former Olympian Suzy Favor Hamilton has been making money lately as an escort in Las Vegas, charging $600 an hour. Favor Hamilton said she looks forward to outliving her coworkers.

Person of the Year: The Year
TIME named President Barack Obama its person of the year, the second time he has won the honor. Obama beat out the Higgs Boson. After naming “the protester” the person of 2011, I’m just glad that the venerable magazine remembered to give the award to a specific person, rather than a group of persons, or you know, a theoretical particle.

Take it from Snee: Where the NRA dares not tread

Guys, as you probably noticed on Facebook, there isn’t a Take it from Snee this week. That’s because I’m too busy working on this week’s issue of the Rick Snee Antidisestablishmentarian Militia.

And, let me tell you, this has not been an easy one to put together. People seem to be really on our case after Friday’s tragic shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. As you’ve noticed, we and the NRA have been quiet this week, and for good reason: we don’t have to say a word. Our members will do it for us. It’s called viral marketing, and they have caught Second Amendment Fever!

Just, you know, not "school shooting" deadly. Also, special special thanks to Bill for loaning us his living room for the afternoon.
Just, you know, not “school shooting” deadly. (Special special thanks to Bill for loaning us his living room for the afternoon.)

So, as the nation mourns (again), RAM has nothing to say except that this was a terrible tragedy, and words cannot express how pained we are. Nor can we offer any insight into the actions on that terrible day … but here’s what some ordinary, normal folks (*wink*) have said for us on Facebook and Twitter.

Continue reading Take it from Snee: Where the NRA dares not tread

That is INDEED a gun in my pocket

Hey, NRA, at your next meeting, you might want to think about putting out some conditional rules of for new gun owners. Such as:

  • If you’re inebriated and dealing with guns, you probably shouldn’t have the gun.
  • If you’ve decided to play a solo game of Russian Roulette, you probably shouldn’t have the gun.
  • If you’re going to the bathroom, and you have to remove the gun from your body in order to use the facilities, then you probably shouldn’t have had the gun in the first place.

Because if you’re not careful, you might end up shooting yourself.

They can’t take our ammo, only we can

In the post 100-days of Barack Obama’s presidency, gun enthusiasts are suddenly finding it hard to find ammunition.

The cause of this de facto ammo ban? Other gun owners.

Because Obama is black and must, therefore, listen to Chris Rock, they’re buying up so much of the stuff that gun shop owners are reporting that they haven’t received new shipments on certain makes for four months, including .380 (little pocket guns) and .38 Special (Colbert’s Sweetness).

So, the gun issue may be finally resolved after all: when gun owners starve to death buying $4,000 limited edition cases of Desert Eagle rounds on EBay. (Then you may pry them out of our hands.)