This could still take a while

After eight months of wheeling and dealing, U.S. and Russian negotiators have reached an accord on nuclear disarmament. (No, it’s not total disarmament, which is why they met at all.)

The deal must be signed by President Barack Obama and Russian President Dmitry Medvedev before arsenals are redistributed to friendly regimes slashed, which we imagine will go a little something like this:

OBAMA: OK,  now it’s just time to sign …

MEDVEDEV: You sign first.

OBAMA: … After you.

MEDVEDEV: No, no. I insist.

OBAMA: Alright, we’ll sign it together on the count of three. One … Two

MEDVEDEV: Wait! Do we sign on three or after, like “one, two, three, sign?”

OBAMA: Well, I said “on the count of three,” so on three. Acceptable?

MEDVEDEV: Da.

OBAMA: OK, on three. One … TwoTHREE!

[…]

OBAMA and MEDVEDEV: YOU DIDN’T SIGN! HAHAHAHAhaha-ha ah-ha.

OBAMA: OK, on three …

We’d like a Nobel piece of that action

Gorby is taking notes while Ronnie draws ferrets and Chesterfield cigarettes.The big shocking news of the day is that the Norwegian Nobel Committee has awarded President Barack Obama the Nobel Peace Prize. And, of course, the critics of the president want to know what he’d done in the last ten months to deserve such recognition.

The Committee praised Obama for:

  • Starting nuclear disarmament talks.
  • Consulting with the U.N. and international communities before bombing invading new countries.
  • Inspiring an emotion (hope) without instituting a nonfluctuating color chart.

So, in other words, not only were the current batch of peacemakers kind of inactive, but the last president made this one look so damn good.

We’d like to congratulate the Nobel Committee for reaching such a decision, but what about prizes for the people that elected him? Hope’s pretty shallow in a square office, if you know what we mean. (Obama does.)