Shelters up, ho’s down

So the missiles (or “satellites” or “debris” or just whatever that they’re calling them right now) have put the scare into some Japanese people, as they’re calling about and some even buying bomb shelters now.

Hmmm. Imagine that.

Once bitten, twice shy? No more messing around is more like it, now that North Korea is sending up god-knows-what over there. Osaka-based Shelter Co (awesome name, by the way-it gets right to the point about what is sold) said that they received 12 orders for “household nuclear shelters” shelters lately. That may not sound like much, but company president Seiichiro Nishimoto is pretty impressed, saying that this number is a record for the 30 years he has been in business. On top of that, he says that he’s received about 150 inquiries on shelters.

“Japanese want to be prepared. I expect the number of orders to increase,” said Nishimoto.

The Daily Telegraph says that most of the orders for the 2.8 million yen shelters have come from Akita and Iwate prefectures, both of which sit right under the missile path. Better safe than sorry, right guys? Still, if 12 orders is a record for your business of 30 years, isn’t that considered a failure?

The McBournie Minute: The end is near

The world is coming to an end. I know this, because a pamphlet stuck under my windshield wiper told me so. Someone came along to long term parking at Thurgood Marshall Baltimore-Washington International Airport and left it there.

The pamphlet was, oddly enough, from someone who started his own church, or sect, or splinter group, because no one would believe him. We know of course this means he is right, because only crazy people belong to churches of millions. I can’t tell you what his name is, or what his church’s name is, because I balled the pamphlet up and threw it away, but I do know that we are all going to die and it is going to happen very, very soon. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: The end is near

How To: Survive a monster attack

History teaches us all something very important: monsters are out there and they will kill you. Wait, wasn’t it history that said there were dragons flying around and sea monsters at the ends of the Earth?

Maybe it’s Hollywood. Yes, Hollywood teaches us that monsters are out there and they will kill you. Take Cloverfield for example, something attacks New York and you get to see it firsthand through a herky-jerky hand held camera. This is not just entertainment, this is a cautionary tale. You can trust Hollywood, when have they ever lied to you? All they have ever done is make you laugh, cry and become infatuated with organized crime. That’s not wrong, is it?

Because the threat of monsters is ever-present, The Guys bring you this survival guide in case the worst should happen, and by the worst, we mean something large, green and ugly stumbles into town asking about you.

Continue reading How To: Survive a monster attack