Tag: nuke

‘No, you hang up first …’

They're both thinking this.President Barack Obama and Russian puppet President Dmitry Medvedev reached an agreement, committing to reduce their nuclear arsenals, on only their first day of the Moscow summit.

They quickly agreed to reduce from 2200 warheads to only 1500 or so. (That scraped 500 nukes spares a couple of American cities that are too close to Canada and the populated regions of Siberia.)

Of course, the moment of agreement grew tense when neither president would agree over who would miss who more until day two of the summit. The situation was miraculously resolved when Secretary of State Clinton suggested they each go back to their rooms and write letters to prove it.

We only need 49 states, anyway

We already have enough problems dealing with the animals we know about, yet for some reason, people are convinced that there are bigger, scarier animals out there that will be ready to eat us. Sometimes these people are driven warriors trying to root out threats, other times they are godless homosexuals.

An expedition that set out into the wilds of West Virginia (which is a vague term, the whole state is pretty much uncivilized and uninhabitable) to find evidence of Bigfoot. And what do you know, they found some! What are the odds of people under the guise of science going out to seek unlikely results, find some and draw an immediate conclusion?

They found some tracks and heard weird sounds at night. Folks, this is evidence enough for this blog. It’s time to hit these large-footed bastards where they live. Let’s nuke West Virginia!