Eyeing that bailout, eh?

Change is coming. New president, new drapes for the Oval Office, new tone for the presidency, and now, a new presidential limo is on its way!

Except, it’s not really a limo so much as a truck. Sort of.

GM is currently working on the new vehicle for the new Prez-elect. “Cadillac One” will be based off of the GMC Topkick, which you may remember as Ironhide from Transformers. Will this create an ethical problem that may allow GM to get a federal bailout a la AIG? Possibly, but who cares about that issue. More importantly, will this cause the Democratic party to land the all too critical sentient alien robots vote in 2012? Inquiring minds want to know.

What are YOU still doing here?

Like excited children on Christmas morning, the American people rushed into the Oval Office to find …

… George Bush still in it, probably doing a puzzle or something.

Disappointed, they promptly awarded him the all-time record of highest presidential disapproval rating of 76 percent for not being Obama.

This rates higher than even Richard Nixon’s 66 percent when he resigned from office because of Watergate. To be fair — he was hated by hippies, who can’t remember to stay angry at anyone.

He also beat out former record holder Harry S. Truman, who was despised by 67 percent of Americans in 1952 for forcing five-star General Douglas MacArthur to retire.

Bush’s ratings are expected to sink lower and lower each day he refuses to morph into President-elect Barack Obama. By January 19, 2009, it’ll be amazing if he hasn’t started wearing a mask.

Update (2:58 pm):

President Bush has attempted a new way to improve his rating: be seen with the cool new kid with the weird name. Hey, it worked in Ensino Man.

Take it from Snee: Now I know what sex is like

Alright, so I threw away my broken toys last week and got married. I have now played with man things, like post-season baseball, college football and even dabbled in tuning out my wife. Yes, like a butterfly emerging forth from my basement cocoon, I have unfurled my wings to let the light beer of my college years drip off and become … a married comedy writer.

But don’t worry, SeriouslyReaders. I’m not about to turn “Take it from Snee” into Tim Allen’s next sitcom. No, I have more to bring you this week than anecdotes about my wedding. (Take my wife, for instance … please!)

No, I’ve also turned into an international man. You see, for two whole days, I had the honor–nay, privilege–of holding a temporary Bermuda driver’s license. Bermuda, of course, is an overseas territory of Her Royal Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II; therefore, I was Her Sovereign’s humble subject for two glorious days in the oldest remaining British colony!

So, as a married man who’s now seen how the rest of the world lives, let me share a few insights with you ugly Americans. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Now I know what sex is like

SG News Flash!!!!1OMFG!!!

The Guys have just received these news bulletins from CNN and the AP about this election’s Democratic Primary.

You’re probably thinking, “These are news flashes?” Don’t be so dismissive. Unlike all those other “Obama won, Clinton stays in race” stories, these were dated June 3, 2008. Any other story with the same exact subject matter, content and headline — but an earlier date  — is not a hot scoop.

Carry on, if you can.

UPDATE (6/3/2008):
CNN has updated their “Clinton refuses to concede” story of the day with news that she will accept a VP nomination. However, she also wanted to make it very clear that she will still not concede, which makes up over 3/4 of the story.

But kudos to CNN for at least changing the headline.