A riddle inside an enigma wrapped around a turd

A Regis Philbin is a solid indicator, too.At a time when it seems the 24-hour news networks aren’t aware of their own banality, CNN asks whether the media has payed too much attention to Jon and Kate Gosselin and the Octomom … in another f$#king article about the Gosselins and the Octomom.

The CNN piece mentions how Kate Gosselin gave an interview last week on NBC’s Today show and Live! With Regis & Kelly, and Nadya “Octomom” Suleman will appear in a two-hour special on Fox.

These are interesting points, except we’re talking about:

  • The Today Show and Regis, two morning zoo shows. These are the big networks’ equivalent of an alarm clock that annoys you out of bed, only with fake tans and cooking segments. Stupid interviews with sad people are kind of standard, considering most of the audience is unemployed or in waiting rooms.
  • Fox Two-Hour Specials. Previous Fox specials have included a bogus alien autopsy, the original When Animals Attack special and extra long segments of Cops and Jerry Springer.

So, way to go, CNN. You’ve managed to be the only “credible” source to cover vagina clown cars today.

Shadenfreude: Light at the end of the tunnel

It always seems darkest before the dawn. Reality television has struck new lows this year:

  • Clowncar vagina moms
  • Crossovers between the worst shows by the worst “celebrity” couple since Hitler and Eva’s home movies at the Eagle’s Nest
  • MILFhunting

It’s enough to make you kill yourself in a tragic masturbation accident, just because waking up is hard to do. Well, put that silk curtain cord down and fire up your room’s Mr. Coffee, because Schadenfreude will make everything right again.

Unless you're making a cup for someone you don't particularly like.A French court has ruled that reality TV performers are owed salaries, overtime compensation, holidays and even damages for wrongful termination when eliminated or voted off of their shows.

This means that reality “stars” are now as expensive as professional actors, and the returns for reality shows will be on par with creative, scripted television.

So, sure, we’re eliminating some Schadenfreude opportunities of sub-human attention whores climbing greased ropes to stay on an island with no food … but that’s what the DMV is for.

And also, mm, Schadenfreude: make it every morning’s shameful joy.