Tag: ohio

IHOUWSP

That would be the acronym for “International House of Unmarked White Suspicious Packages.” They’re a branch of IHOP found mostly in the Toledo, Ohio area, but if you look hard enough, you can find a few that aren’t quite in there.

At least, that’s what I can assume based off recent headlines. 7 IHOP restaurants were raided by federal agents. The reason for doing so is unknown (though it’s probably not for the Swedish crepes; lingonberries, ugh!), and when pressed about what was going on by would-be patrons of the home of the most delicious name in the industry, police officers responded with:

…all IHOPs were closed

Which is a most disturbing idea. Oh, sure, the agents were seen leaving with white office-style boxes, which might be important. But if I were in the Toledo area, where would I be getting my pancakes? Especially at the all you can eat price! Like I said, a most disturbing idea.

We can see your panties

3,000 pairs of women’s underpants have been recovered from four spots along the highway in Ohio, at least one pile of 1,600 in Fairfield County alone.  Police report that the panties are loose and are both new and used. They also appear to be of the “local discount and grocery stores” variety, not the racy stuff your mom buys.

Other than those details, authorities are stumped. The Guys have put together a couple of theories:

  1. Aliens! You’ve heard of Stonehenge. This is Mingehenge. And if any of the underpants were made of corduroy, then this could have been the beginning of the NASCAR Lines.
  2. Artists! Mountains of unglamorous dollar store granny-panties discarded along the highways and biways of middle America — the interpretations are limitless.
  3. Animals! Prairie critters are attempting to infiltrate the Heartland, one leg at a time — just like the rest of us.
  4. The Japanese! The used ones fit their M.O. Not sure where the new ones come in, though. Perhaps we interrupted them before they could finish?

We will dispatch our own Bryan McBournie to Ohio this weekend to investigate.

I’d probably go with anything by OMC myself

A convenience store (the last bastion of acceptance when all you want to do is get loaded plastered drunk inebriated buzzed in their happy zone) in Columbus, Ohio, has decided to start playing classical music in the store, all in the hopes of getting rid of the less than preferred customers.

Reportedly, it seems to be working, but it can’t for long. See, in my neck of the woods, we have a grocery store called The Fresh Market, and all it plays is classical music. Not only do you get stuck having to pay high prices on odds and ends and “organic soy fresh free-range turkey intestine from Argentina,” but you also have to watch out for old people that apparently cannot properly drive half-carts.

Look forward to that, random convenience store!

Predictable consequences ride in the sidecar

See if you can guess where this is going. A helmet-less motorcyclist who was part of a protest against helmet laws:

a) Successfully navigated the roads designated for the route, striking a blow for liberty and proving to all that helmets only protect your virginity.

b) Hit a bump the wrong way, recovered and wondered what could have happened had he fallen without a helmet and made a mental note for future decisions.

c) Donated his brains to the Western New York pavement in an accident that doctors say would not have been fatal had he been wearing a helmet.

If you said c, you’re correct and can probably guess how Ohio’s new guns in bars law will turn out.

Hey nerds, knock it off!

Shinboku-con 2011 was held in Westlake, Ohio over the weekend, and was a festival aimed at showcasing and celebrating anime and video games. Oh, and pugilism, apparently.

Yes, a rousing bout of fisticuffs most certainly did arise between two lads. Indubitably!

On April 30, two men (both attendees at the show) were arrested after getting into a disagreement over how one of the pair was “playing a video game”. This disagreement spilled over when one of the men punched the other in the mouth (kind of how it would between you and your friends, except you were 12 when that happened). Charged with assault and arrested by local police, the other guy was then also arrested after spitting on one of the cops.

And the third arrest? It came later that night, when one of the earlier pair’s younger brothers was picked up for damaging hotel property at the Holiday Inn all three had been staying in for the convention. This younger sibling and a friend – both 18 – were also nabbed for underage consumption of alcohol.

Nerds: stop trying to not be you.

French fries are also just like the internet

In more police related news …

People like food. In fact, they like their fast food fresh. Not fresh food fast, but fast food fresh. However, nobody likes their fast food fresh like Robert Quillen does, or potentially his wife. Quillen walked into a Sandusky, Ohio, McDonald’s to get fries for his wife. An argument between Quillen and the manager then arose over the freshness of said french fries.

In a move that completely justifies the use of tax-payers’ money, the police were then called onto the scene. No charges came about due to conflicting stories, but Quillen went home with his money but no fries.

The fries? The fries went home to nobody. They then sobbed themselves to sleep, feeling that nobody wanted them.

I’m voting it

Those that have gone to an accredited school with the intent of learning about administration and such skills learn tons and tons of what to do and what not to do. Not that this should be felt as a statement that takes away from those that haven’t gone to school. There’s so much stuff that a person will have to learn on the job that it can get a little bewildering.

However, one thing that most people can agree on as common sense is subtly threatening your employees with their jobs to vote a certain way is a bad thing and should not be done. This is not information that you acquire in school. This is not information that you can only learn on the job. This is information that you essentially already know since doing so is potentially illegal.

Parenting is not its own reward

It’s said that crime does not pay, but this may now be otherwise. A man was able to nab not one, but two Xbox 360s from a Beavercreek, Ohio Best Buy while carrying a diaper bag and a real live baby.

The man, described as 6ft, 250 pounds and balding, grabbed two consoles and left with them under his arm while carrying the child. He then got into his Kia Spectra and sped off, allegedly without even securing the baby in its seat. Although on the surface this looks like bad parenting, we can’t rule out the fact that the baby was in on the scam, mind you possibly the brains of the entire operation.

Not having children and pawning off any duties involving my younger brother when he was growing up onto my parents, that’s gotta be one big diaper bag.