To our senior citizen readers, we bid you goodbye.
To our high school freshmen readers, we bid you hello.
Why do we do this? Because everything that’s current is new … and old. According to people with too much free time on their hands, the web, at least the concept of the web as you and I know it, is older than teenagers entering college as freshmen this oncoming semester. Other things that can make you, our dear reader, feel extremely old:
- The OJ Simpson “trial of the century”
- Abbreviating President Lyndon B. Johnson
- Andre the Giant
- Rick Snee
Oh, and to help emphasize it, we would like to reiterate the message from Bryan McBournie: In other news, stop trying to make the Virginia earthquake a disaster. Seriously, stop it.
Look, we hate pissing all over someone else’s linguistics work, especially when they’re pointing 0ut an overused and subsequently undervalued word. Frequent readers of this site may be familiar with my own work in this field, “Cleaning Out the Language Gutters.”
And that’s not to say that John Blake of CNN wasn’t on the right path, but it’s hard to argue why a word is frequently used in inappropriate situations since he never bothered to define that word.
So, congratulations, John: from your hamfisted examples of Barack Obama using the word, to quotes from jackoffs realizing their “problem” and an O.J. Simpson reference, you absolutely dropped the ball on this one.
Got any plans for the weekend? Really? Oh, that sounds cool, have a good time with that. Me? No, I’m laying low this weekend. I celebrated You Missed It’s first birthday a little too much last weekend, if you know what I mean. Time to recover. Phew! If you were busy challenging Larry King to a Twitter follower war this week, odds are you missed it.
Cramming a protest down leaders’ throats
More than 200 years ago, Samuel Adams and the Sons of Liberty threw boxes of tea overboard in protest of taxes levied by the British Parliament without any consultation of the colonies. On April 15, tax day, conservatives recreated the event across the country, protesting taxes that are approved by people they voted to represent them, which is clearly unfair in principle. Protesters threw tea around and even mailed tea bags to their elected officials. They even called themselves teabaggers. I am still struggling to find a comedic angle to this one.
Voice lovely, face, not so much
It’s the kind of story you expect from a hokey romantic comedy, as if there was any other kind. Practically overnight, Susan Boyle, 47, has become a sensation in much of the civilized world. The Scottish woman appeared on Britain’s Got Talent, and wowed judges when she sang “I Dreamed A Dream.” Boyle says she has never been kissed, mostly because shes not really attractive. Wait a minute, she’s Scottish? Shouldn’t she be on Scotland’s Got Talent?
I used to love her, but I had to kill her
In an interview with The Rolling Stone, Hulk Hogan said, “I totally understand O.J.,” and who can blame him? “I could have turned everything into a crime scene like O.J., cutting everybody’s throat,” Hogan said in the interview. We’ve all been there. We all get the Hulkamania and just want to take everyone down with us, brother. If I were Jake the Snake, I’d watch out.