Drunk opossum leaves rehab

It is shocking to this blog how animals can clearly violate the law and yet escape prosecution every time. It’s especially surprising that this happens in crimes involving alcohol.

A Florida liquor store employee found a drunk female opossum next to a broken bottle of bourbon, and had the police bring it to a wildlife refuge for rehab. The opossum apparently knocked over and broke the bottle of whiskey, and probably drank every last drop, because the bottle was empty.

The creature was no doubt slurring her speech and no doubt displaying other signs of intoxication, so she was pumped full of fluids to sober her up. And after a couple weeks of sobriety and intense monitoring, she was released into the wild again.

And yet, there were no charges for breaking and entering, destruction of property, theft, underage drinking, etc. The opossum probably didn’t even have to pay for its rehab stint. That fell on the American taxpayer. Leave it to a liberal nanny state like Florida to coddle its wild animals.

Re-inflate and reanimate

The consumption of alcohol can often lead to impaired judgment–it’s true. It can lead to hooking up with someone you thought was a lot hotter, it can make you give a little too much information and it can even lead you to betray your cause.

A Pennsylvania man was walking down the road or something when he came upon some roadkill. With tears in his eyes, the man tried to save the opossum, which was at this point flattened. He gave the creature mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, but to no avail. And that’s how police found him.

Amazingly enough, police say alcohol may have been a factor.