The surprise reason for sudden weight gain

Science! It’s time for science! And, in this case, we mean science that you keep to yourself and certainly never bring up in an argument.

It turns out that, despite your wife or girlfriend’s complaints, it’s not her pill-form birth control that has caused her recent weight gain. That would be food and/or laziness.

Again, we remind you to never ever ever EVER use this newly acquired knowledge except to quietly reassure yourself when alone that you were right…. But not too loudly, because she may have bugged your office/masturbatorium.

Back to the old drawing board …

"Allow me to introduce myself: Wyle E. Coyote, sexual genius."The list of ways to have sex with ladies without getting them pregnant is now one method shorter. It appears that women can get pregnant again when they’re already pregnant, so don’t believe all the hype on that fetish.

Fortunately, that still leaves:

  • Anal
  • Oral
  • Post-menopausal women
  • Condoms (though only 99.9 percent effective and everyone reading this must be exceptional)
  • Being a lesbian
  • Painting a second egg on the uterine wall, causing your sperm to crash headlong into it instead of fertilizing the real egg