Tag: orgy

Cue the global orgy

We warned you months ago that end is nigh. Well, we were unheeded: scientists still hate humanity and you–yes, you–didn’t blow up the Large Hadron Collider.

So, now those Franco-Swisso maniacs are gonna blow us up. (Damn them, damn them all to hell!)

To join the Official SeriouslyGuys End of the World Orgy, we’ll need you to sell all your worldly possessions and mail the proceeds to:

SeriouslyGuys Lube and Sunscreen Collection “Plate”
812 Obviously Fake Address
Dontreallydothis, West Dakota 29156

Remember: this is the only time we’ll ever run this event (until the next major “we’re all gonna die” media event/ratings booster), so you don’t want to pussyfoot around. You won’t want to collapse into a molecular ball of untold density any other way!

Now THAT’S science!

You won't like them when they're angry.Perhaps the French and Swiss have had enough of being referred to as Europe’s darling little debutantes, because they’ve got us all scared now.

A team of scientists from both countries are ready to flip the switch on the world’s largest collider, an atom-smasher, just to see what happens. Possible results include:

  • Showing us invisible matter.
  • Revealing other dimensions.
  • Spawning a black hole that will swallow the Earth.
  • Torching the Earth with particles known as strangelets.
  • Dog and cat cohabitation.

Of course, there’s one side effect that wasn’t mentioned by either concerned party or the article: massive worldwide orgies on the day it’s turned on. You know we’re stocking up on flavored massage oil.

Headline of the Day: ‘Man dies in crocodile orgy’

Not only are crocodiles ruthless, unrepentant killing machines, but they also hold blood origes for the Devil.

On a side note, it’s a shame Crocodile Hunter is already trademarked, because it’d make a great follow-up web site to the MILF Hunter.

Image: “Croc” by kevinzim/sxc.