Tag: Osama Bin Laden

Administration still hopes to kill bin Laden

It’s a countdown to January 20th for Osama bin Laden, the bearded mastermind behind such tapes as:

  • “Die, you yankee infidel scum!”
  • “You are all fat and I hope you die, Americans!”
  • “Hey, is anyone still hunting for me? Well … you’ll never catch me because I’m like the wind, baby!”
  • “America, you suck.”

He is apparently still alive and living in seclusion from his posse, al Qaeda. After eight solid years of carpetbombing by U.S. armed forces, they finally voted him out of the terrorist organization.

The CIA believes he’s out there, somewhere in the vincinity of the Pakistan-Afghanistan border, still carrying his extinguished tiki torch and waiting for that lucrative sitcom or book deal.

Some intelligence experts believe that the CIA is in a race against time, trying to kill bin Laden before President Bush leaves office. Unfortunately, those experts also forget that CIA operatives are salaried government employees who can’t get fired even if you really want them to.

Take it from Snee: Scarves are not enough

I’d like to start this week’s TifS by congratulating Michelle Malkin and her fearless campaign to scare Dunkin’ Donuts into dropping an ad because she’s afraid of a scarf. If you’re just tuning in (leave those dials on your monitor alone!), Ms. Malkin was offended by an ad featuring Rachel Ray wearing a keffiyeh, the scarf traditionally worn by Islamofascicommuvikings. She threatened a boycott and Dunkin’ Donuts proved that doing things is what they like to do. (In this case, caving.)

However, I can’t leave it at congratulations. You see, Ms. Malkin just didn’t go far enough to assuage my fears of terror, terrorism, terrorists and terry cloths. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Scarves are not enough

Osama Bin Laden: Unfunnier than Dane Cook

Note: Today’s Osama Bin Laden coverage is brought to you by a guest SeriouslyGuy, Jay Leno’s monologue writer.

So Bin Laden released a new audio tape.  (Did you hear about this?)

In the tape, he tries out some new material about the Catholic Church and the Pope.  Yeah, that’s what we thought: too easy … just like the priests! We mean, who doesn’t have a thing for the Pope?  Certainly not his alter boys. Ba-zing!

(Oh, c’mon.  You laughed at the Spitzer-not-swallowtzer jokes.)

The sad part is that OsBiLa (that’s his nickname from entertainment reporters) didn’t go for the easy jokes.  Instead, he went after the Danish Mohammad cartoons from 2005! We mean, sure, it’s a rant, but since when did Dennis Miller wear a turban?

(We’re just kidding, folks.  Dennis is good people, like Peter the Great at a Frank Lloyd Wright exhibit.)

We’ve got a great Web site for you today!  Steely Dan is here!