Science: Your goldfish might be drunk

It may be summer right now, but when the cold winter nights come back, what’s better than a good drink to warm you up inside? Researchers say that goldfish do the same thing.

According to scientists, goldfish and their wild cousins the crucian carp, have the ability produce their own alcohol, which allows them to survive in winter conditions. The fish can’t get rid of lactic acid in oxygen-free water because they can’t breathe. Instead, they convert the lactic acid into ethanol, and they can go for months like this.

The researchers found that the fish have pretty high blood alcohol content levels–so much so that they wouldn’t be allowed to drive in most countries. So remember, do not let your goldfish drive, no matter how much it begs.

The better to steal your air with, my dear

"My nose reaches all the way over there. I breathe your air. I BREATHE IT UP!"
“My nose reaches all the way over there. I breathe your air. I BREATHE IT UP!”

No, you’re not crazy. Men really do have proportionally larger noses than women. Don’t you feel better for probably never noticing that?

But, now that you can’t un-see this difference, you’re probably wondering why.

It’s all so that we can steal all the air for our bigger muscles. Research suggests that larger noses help men collect the larger amount of oxygen we need to fuel our lean muscle contractions.

So, yes, that does make women the economy-sized model for being more fuel efficient, yet able to do just about anything the modern gamer male can physically.