Guy wears horns on head in ID photo

Pagans are followers of Paganism, an ancient mystical religion honor nature and some obscure European gods. They are split into two groups, those who listen to metal and those who listen to harp and lute stuff. And just in time for the War on Christmas, Maine is giving the pagans the right to look silly in their driver’s license photos.

Pagan priest Phelan Moonsong, which probably isn’t his given name, has successfully argued for the right to wear the fake horns he wears all day long in his driver’s license photo. The state agreed that Moonsong’s horns are a religious headdress, and thus allowed in ID pictures.

And yes, ladies, he’s available.

Octopi: Moral degenerates

Scientists with way too much free time on their hands have announced the results of a recent study of octopi and their sex habits. What they found only further shows how evil animals are and how they practice sexual rituals previously only associated with pagans. We need to kill these eight-armed monsters.

First off, they kill each other for women. That’s called jealousy and it is a hallmark of a poor father figure. Most likely these males had alcoholic fathers or deadbeat dads.

What is worse is that often, the males will swim like females in order to get in close and get past bigger males and get in close with the ladies. They will eventually show their true colors, and like some bizarre romance movie, the females love it. Folks, cross-dressing is only OK if you’re J. Edgar Hoover, and last time I checked, he only had two arms and two legs.