Tag: pain

Science makes slurpees its biotch

Who here likes a brain freeze? This being the internet, I have no idea about the results of that question, but for anyone that said yes, please run into a brick wall. Brain freezes are horrible. Just as you’re enjoying the best parts of a slurpee on a hot day, just as you’ve consumed massive amounts of delicious ice cream, just as the ice water becomes tastiest … the brain freeze hits. Pain! So much pain!

Science would have words with you, brain freeze.

While trying to unlock the secrets behind migraines, a break-through was made! In the development of stopping that icy ache fiend, that is.

The researchers monitored the blood flow through their brains using an ultrasound-like process on the skull. They saw that increased blood flow to the brain through a blood vessel called the anterior cerebral artery, which is located in the middle of the brain behind the eyes. This increase in flow and resulting increase in size in this artery brought on the pain associated with brain freeze.

When the artery constricts, reining in the response to this increased flow, the pain disappears. The dilation, then quick constriction, of this blood vessel may be a type of self-defense for the brain, the researchers suggested.

That’s right! The origin has now been revealed! We only need wait a short bit until science finds a way to eliminate the pain created from the process. And then, ass mumps, you’re next.

The most unimaginable results

“How would you describe your pain on a scale from 0 to 10, 0 meaning ‘none at all’ and 10 meaning ‘the most imaginable?'”

If you’ve ever gone to the hospital for anything other than a check-up or to laugh at sick people, then you’ve been asked this question. And after years of asking patients for their completely subjective interpretation of a pain scale ranging from none to Michael Bay, medical professionals have finally learned something: men are more imaginative than women.

Comparing the results of men’s responses to women’s yielded a full point difference on average, with women more likely to rate their pain higher towards “the most imaginable.” Men, meanwhile — conditioned on Predator movies and The Three Stooges — are more likely to believe that a new, higher level of pain almost always exists above where they are. We’re pretty sure it involves testicles and a juicer.

Ask Dr. Snee: Reaching into the guynecologist’s mail sac

Oh, hello there, readers. I didn’t see you waiting there in the Internet. I have a few minutes between smoke breaks, so I’ll just answer a few of your medical questions.

Dear Dr. Snee,

Did you know that yesterday [April 19] was Clitoris Awareness Day? Did you do anything special?

Yes, I pretended that it doesn’t exist. Or is that the g-spot? I can never care. Continue reading Ask Dr. Snee: Reaching into the guynecologist’s mail sac

Science: Bullies like being jerks

A new study published in the journal Biological Psychology presents evidence suggesting that bullies like inflicting pain and even watching others in pain.

To test this theory, they showed footage of pain to “unusually aggressive 16 to 18-year-old males” and a group of normal ones.

Obviously, they figured out which ones were super aggressive by putting all of them in a giant race, realizing the ones caring baseball bats were their experiment group.

The “normal” males’ pleasure brain nubs did not light up when showed footage of pain, while the aggressive ones furiously masturbated. When the bullies were angered because the slide show was done, the researches put them in a room with kittens to calm them down.

Surprisingly, no kittens were hurt, although one was photographed without permission and put into a YouTube video to the soundtrack of Schindler’s List.