Sharks gear up for Spring Break

Over 75 percent of shark respondents said they devour coeds because of "Jimmy Buffett."
Over 75 percent of shark respondents said they devour coeds because of “Jimmy Buffett.”

Thousands of sharks are making their way to Floridian beaches in anticipation of Spring Break, lured by the promise of tasty, inebriated young morsels.

While many of the sharks are also taking a break from their schools, for some, this is an annual ritual spanning decades. On-site polling of Spring Break veterans reveal that most enjoy the shrinking of the bathing suit over the past 80 years; but a small minority long for more modest days when there weren’t tiny straps that get caught between rows of teeth.

But despite those changes, nearly all sharks agree that Spring Break is the best week of the year, followed closely by what they call “Discovery Week,” when thousands of camera men are lowered into snack cages.

This is SeriouslyGuys, reporting from the front line of the War on Animals. Thanks for reading.