Tag: palm oil

Michigan girls attempt to get Greenpeace merit badge

Two girl scouts in Michigan have begun project to make cookies more friendly for the planet, all in an attempt to cut down on deforestation. As a result, the national organization has decided to cut down on palm oil.

This is fine and dandy, but listen to me Girl Scouts of America: you can cut down on your palm oil amount, but you better not cut down on your “Peanut Butter Patties and Samoas/Coconut Delights that make their way to Chris” amount.

If Bruce Springsteen had a sweet tooth, this would already have been a song.

Help fight the war by eating junk food

We all know the tastiest food comes from animals, in general, the cutest ones. But now, eating stuff that probably doesn’t have animal parts in it, stuff like cookies, can help rid the world of our animal foes.

You see, many junk foods and other useful products like hair conditioner use palm oil. There is such a demand for palm oil that entire sections of rain forests in Indonesia and Malaysia are being cleared out for palm oil plantations.

“Big deal,” you say. “How does this help me defeat the beasts?” Well, the rain forests they burn not only help fight the War on the Ozone Layer, but it destroys the habitat of many different animals, including the last wild habitat of the orangutan. Yes, wash your hair and eat some Girl Scout cookies and you can give an ape the fate it deserves: a long, slow death by starvation caused by lack of habitat and fear of dudes running around with machetes.