Kids and women the world over say that they love pandas. They’re not necessarily species traitors, just dumb people. It’s futile to love the panda because the panda does not love itself. After years of being hunted searched, the species just refuses to procreate. Laborious and expensive treatments and experiments over the years have had a net result of nearly nil. It’s given up on life and as a result, we should give up on it.
An Yanshi isn’t necessarily giving up on them, so much as making them work for their existence. The Chinese entrepreneur is using large amounts of their dung to grow organic tea. 50 grams of the tea will cost you 3500 dollars, making it around 200 dollars for a cup.
“Panda Poop Green Tea.” I’m sure it’ll sell like wildfire with branding like that. At least we’re putting an enemy to use for our side, even if it’s fat emo kid of the animal kingdom.
It’s been 10 years, and you all know what that means: it’s time for another panda census in China. Just like here in the U.S., certain elements are afraid to comply with the once-a-decade count, even if an undercount could mean a drop in state support for panda services.
Zookeepers at the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. have officially called off this year’s Panda Watch. It appears that 
There are certain rights we expect. The right to live as we wish. The right to own property. The right to pursue Happiness, Sunshine or any other optimistically-named stripper. And, of course, the right to die as we wish.