Tag: Paris Hilton

The McBournie Minute: We need more bailouts

For the past several weeks, Congress has been handing out money like candy on Halloween. (Technically, it’s been doing this since 1787, but let’s stick to today.) Banks, car manufacturers and the banks again have put on their best costumes and knocked on Congress’ door. Lawmakers have been only too happy to give what the executives want, mostly because they look so cute in their little outfits.

Since the Congressional lottery continues, I have come up with a few other things that are worth of billion-dollar bailouts. Should I ever be called to testify, I would be happy to make my case. Until then, this new device, this series of tubes will have to do. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: We need more bailouts

Paris Hilton in 2008

Did you see the television ad from the McCain campaign last week? Paris Hilton certainly did, and was surprised to find herself featured in it, along with Sen. Barack Obama and Britney Spears. The ad, which Sen. John McCain has since defended, paints Obama as a celebrity unworthy of being president.

Normally, the SG Election Team, The Most Greatest Election Coverage Team Since The Dawn of Time®, would not give two hoots about what Hilton is up to, but it seems she has taken the McCain ad to heart and is throwing her hat into the ring.

Hilton has responded this week with her own ad, released online, where she announces that she must be running for president if she is mentioned in an ad, so she might as well start campaigning. Not much is known about Hilton’s politics, or even if she knows that they are, but one thing is certain: she is the first presidential contender to wear lip gloss since Jimmy Carter.

Sean Young shows young starlets how to get it done

Not to be outdone by Hollywood’s current stable of floozies, Sean Young recently took it upon herself to show Paris, Britney and Lindsay how to really make a drunken spectacle.

Ms. Young kicked it Olde Schoole by taunting a winning director at the Directors Guild of America Awards, unlike the current, lazier generation that gets drunk and stupid at clubs. Bascially, that’s like going down in Sunday mass as opposed to holding an orgy in a whorehouse.

Ms. Young has now trumped them again by entering rehab before an unseemly arrest. The word on the street is that she will go through it only once this year, proving that classy ladies are housebroken after one accident.

Take note, little princesses. You just got served by the Queen.