You Missed It: Out come the idiots edition

It’s Friday, and it’s June. It is June, right? OK, good. I am still recovering from a wild weekend. I know, five days is a long time to recover, but man, it was a good time. If you were busy checking out of the hospital after being treated for exhaustion, odds are you missed it.

Now if we can just link this to Bush
Air France Flight 447 crashed into the Atlantic Ocean on its way to Paris from Rio. Everyone died. No wreckage has been found. Actually, only an oil slick has been discovered at this point. The cause of the crash may never actually be known. In other news, 9/11 conspiracy theorists have a new hobby ahead of them.

See! He really is one of them!
Addressing fellow Muslims in Cairo, Egypt this week, President Barack Obama quoted both the Koran and the Bible, while he said it was time for the U.S. and the Islamic world to mend the fences. He also said it was time for Israel to stop settling on the West Bank. This upset Israelis, because difference between the East Bank and the West Bank is like that of West and East Hampton.

Even the mustache is smiling
Randy Johnson got his 300th career win, but that’s really not anything special, because it was against the Washington Nationals, who do not technically play baseball according to modern definitions. But still, the Big Unit got to the 300 mark, making him likely the last person to reach that milestone. He also leads the league in lifetime struck birds.

Sean Hannity interviewed Rush Limbaugh on is FOX News show this week. No one asked questions, they just agreed that they are right about everything.

It’s hard out here for a gimp

We’ve all been affected by the economy in one form or another. Heck, the world itself has been affected by this money crunch.

And no one has been hit harder than the French sex toy industry.

No one.

Massage oils, edible underwear, high heeled shoes and “neck massagers” have all seen slumping sales in Gay Paris. People seem to be very scared to spend their money, especially lonely housewives. Many vendors were used to being beneficiaries of the “Checkout Line Phenomena”, in that when someone would visit them to buy one product, they’d usually end up impulsively buying two or three. Now? It’s only that single pleasure pal. Instead, people seem to be going back to basics (so to speak) for their behind-closed-doors-enjoyment.

Perhaps we at Seriously Guys would like to debut a new category: “Sex doesn’t sell.”

MasterChugs Theater: Brett Ratner serves a purpose

I just got the bad news. Blood pressure’s up. Stress is on its way to end it all. Granted, it’s genetic and runs in the family, but still–why now? Is there anything that can be done to help the situation?

Oh my. Oh my, oh my, oh my. What am I to do?

Well, the doctor recommends a form of catharsis. Think of it as therapy, he says. Maybe you should excise some of that gratuitous stress that’s all built up within, is his advice.

OK. Sure, that can be done.

Dear Brett Ratner,

Just who do you think you are? Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: Brett Ratner serves a purpose

Why can’t you just hold up signs like us?

A pretentious protest? In France? Nah!

It might be hard to believe, but yes, protesters are hitting the streets of Paris to protest their cause. Yet it’s a sentiment any American can get behind. Workers are tired of unfair working conditions, formed a labor union and are sticking it to the man.

French nude models (Really? That’s a job?) are stripping in the streets to protest a ban on tips, as well as their low pay.

OK, we are willing to believe that there are people out there not in the porn or prostitution industries whose job it is to sit around naked all day and collect tips. (Seriously, how do you go into that line of work? Is there a special school for nude models? Do you need to have an impressive resumé?) But let’s think about this here for a minute. You’re protest the low pay of your job by doing your job for free.

It can safely be assumed that in response to the protesters, dozens of artist have shown up and begun to work.

This plot sounds familiar

In the realm of bad parenting, we encourage our audience to at least be original about it. An Israeli couple, that was traveling to Paris, France, remembered their tickets, to stow away all carry-ons in the overhead compartments, place trays in an upright position and to leave their 3-year-old daughter behind at the airport.

Oh, you’re so original. In no way was that also the plot for Home Alone. Let us guess, if they were to start robbing houses they’d call themselves the “Wet Bandits” as well.