Russia may be trying to slowly take over Ukraine, but the former Soviet satellite has bigger problems on its hands–like a blog taking over seats in the Ukrainian parliament.
Claiming that his fellow members of parliament don’t show up for their jobs as often as they should, Borislav Bereza has brought a grey blob to sit in one of the empty seats next to him. The plush blob has been a popular meme in Russia and Ukraine in recent years, and that has seemingly translated into a seat in government. As absurd as an internet meme in a leadership role might seem to Americans, apparently it’s possible there. Bereza even sat the blob behind the podium.
What does it want? What if it multiplies? What if Ukraine falls under blob rule?
Sure, Congress sucks. They can’t get anything done and everyone hates them. But it could be worse. At least they’re not a parliament.
Earlier this week, you saw members of Turkey’s parliament fight during a discussion of a controversial bill, but we’ve got something worse. In Canada, a member of parliament was forced to leave his seat during a vote because his underwear was too small, in what might be the highest-profile humblebrag Canada has ever seen.
Pat Martin told the House of Commons that he accidentally bought underwear a size too small, and he bought a lot because they were half price. The problem is that it’s uncomfortable for him to sit down. That’s exactly why John Boehner goes commando.
Kuwait has an infestation, and they need a few good men to root it out: unmarried women.
Spinsters are wrecking the oil-rich nation. The Kuwaiti government already pays men 4000 dinars ($14,000) to marry one woman. Now, they’re considering paying a similar dowry for marrying a second woman, who must be widowed, divorced or 40-years-old.
So, they might have that going for them.
A state minister from Victoria, Australia has been publicly rebuked after personally campaigning, in parliament, for one of his constituents to be given a Wii.
Gordon Rich-Phillips, a member of the Liberal Party and Victoria’s Assistant Opposition Treasurer, got up in parliament and asked that Victoria’s WorkCover Authority (the worker’s comp guys) pay for “a certain rehabilitation aid” for a man that claims he’s been unable to work for four years due to a “work-related injury”. Oh sure, that might sound reasonable, but he only made the plea in parliament because WorkCover had already knocked the man’s claims back, on the grounds that this “rehabilitation aid” was in fact a Nintendo Wii console and a copy of Wii Fit.
“Gordon Rich-Phillips is saying we should spend WorkCover money on video games when the claim has already been assessed and knocked back,” WorkCover Minister Tim Holding said.
The man asking for the Wii, meanwhile, says that it’s necessary for his rehabilitation because, in addition to his injury, he also suffers from severe panic attacks, which presumably keeps him from both the physio and the gym. Sorry guy, but I haven’t seen them make a WiiTherapist yet.
The European Parliament, in a quite stunning display of illogical useless grandiose thinking, has decided that what parents need to protect their children from MMO’s is a “red button” to shut games down in the event of a crisis.
This is highly important thinking because it seems that:
- European computers don’t have off switches and are shaped like Doctor Octopus, thus keeping children trapped in front of the screen.
- European parents are powerless before their children in regards to disciplining them.
“‘Parents should have a “red button” to disable a game they feel is inappropriate for their child,’ says the EP Internal Market Committee. ‘Until PEGI online is up and running, the report proposes fitting consoles, computers or other game devices with a “red button” to give parents the chance to disable a game or control access at certain times.'”
To be fair, the European Parliament is not being “anti-game”; it’s just being stupid. It recognizes that games can provide a whole host of benefits, just not to parents. Parliament wants to add something to make parents feel better, and this might be the best placebo they could come up with.
Surprisingly enough, Britain’s government has never heard of Staples or the Easy Button. Now there’s a placebo that gets me through my days at work.
So, a few months back, Vladimir Putin recruited a young and rather attractive gymnast to serve in Parliament (oh, come on, like you haven’t done the same). Apparently, he liked her political skills so much that he dumped his wife to marry her. The fact that she’s more than half his age and very flexible? That’s just fully and totally a coincidence.
I mean, really, ladies, could any of you say no to this?
For what it is, a 90-minute spin-off of a Saturday Night Live sketch, Reggie Hudlin’s film The Ladies Man is not bad. If you have some familiarity with some examples of this benighted genre, like Stuart Saves His Family, It’s Pat, A Night at the Roxbury or Superstar, you will take this evaluation as a giddy rave. The Ladies Man has some funny, dirty-minded jokes, a few amusing cameos (including Julianne Moore in clown makeup) and a soundtrack loaded with juicy cuts of mid-70s vintage soul and funk: a lot of Gamble and Huff, a soupcon of Isley Brothers and a plateful of Parliament’s ”Up for the Down Stroke.” Continue reading