Tag: party

Keep your scotch neat, nose clean

Greetings, young readers! Do you like to stay up all night? And do you like to drink? Chances are pretty good that if you’ve ever attempted both, you couldn’t make it past Waffle House.

You might be tempted to try a caffeinated alcoholic beverage. Here’s three things we learned about that today:

  1. Caffeine should never contain more booze than a shot.
  2. Booze should never contain more caffeine than middle manager.
  3. You should never contain anything named after a 4-piece Swedish mariachi punk band.

Stick to the basics and you’ll never be embarrassed by neon sugary puke.

This party pooper economy

If you’re reading this article at work, then you know economic times are tough. For the rest of you sitting at home, eating ramen while reading this, let us tell you that economic times are tough.

While some people worry about losing their jobs (they can’t lay you off if you quit), others are worried about something more serious: their parties.

Event planners are losing money this season because people won’t blow their extra money on full-out ragers, like bar mitzvahs and quinceañeras. (Ask a HombresSeriamentes reader.)

Even people with the means are scaling back their soirées, trying not to seem ostentatious to the poor schlubs they feed at their birthdays. They even ask event planners for deals on fancy dresses and convention halls.

Pro-tip:
1) Instead of paying an event planner at all, how about planning your own damn party? Better yet, talk to a college student. They’ll tell you everything you need for a party:

  • A keg
  • A deck of cards
  • An Xbox
  • Solo cups, ping-pong balls and a table

2) If you want to survive a recession, get a real job, event planners. The world needs event diggers, too.

How To: Celebrate a birthday

Vice President-elect Joe Biden’s birthday is today. We are sure you are already aware of this, because it is a national holiday and all. Biden is turning a spry 66 today. That means he was born in 1942. So, the man is older than two states in out Union, and he is also a fun person to drink with.

One would think the man who would be vice president would get some sort of soiree, but sadly, it appears that has not happened. Not only did the Philadelphia Eagles not win one for him on Sunday (but then again, a tie in football is pretty special), but his future boss was kind of lame. What did President-elect Barack Obama get Captain Coattail? Some cupcakes.

Clearly, someone was not paying attention to us. That’s why The Guys bring you how to celebrate a birthday. Continue reading How To: Celebrate a birthday

How To: Throw a par-tay

We all want to be popular, and the quickest way to popularity is to throw a party. Correction: not just a party, but the most righteous shindig the world/your town has ever seen! Some people would say you need to walk before you run, but when did walking ever get your face on a Wheaties box? That is why The Guys are here to teach you how to throw a par-tay.

Continue reading How To: Throw a par-tay