Here at SG (and the rest of the Internet, really), we love more taking other people down a peg while pretending to be important ourselves. But if there’s one thing we love more than that, it’s the corruption of the innocent.
A group of kids are likely to either hate cops or fear clowns after they witnessed police arrest a female clown for what the believe was her involvement in a drunk driving accident. We’re not going to make a judgment call, but Patricia Ingalls, who has been a professional clown for 17 years, blew a .252, according to police.
That being said, parents, it’s time to leave the room, it’s kids-only now. We’ll wait.
OK, gang. It’s time to learn one of the most important facts of life: you and all of your little friends are annoying as all heck. In fact, you are so loud, hyper and unruly that you make Mommy and Daddy drink. When Mommy and Daddy drink, they either like to have private time or they like to argue. And when they argue, they talk about how they can’t stand you and want to start living in separate houses.
It’s all your fault.
You see, you’ll find out one day that alcohol helps numb the pain of a meaningless existence. Part of which is the realization that children are annoying and carry diseases. This is why Sloppy the Clown drank–to deal with you runts. For 17 long years, that’s all she’s been dealing with. Day in and day out. And that it perfectly OK, but the problem is, kids, when you drink alcohol, you’re not supposed to drive. If you do, you get in trouble.
Which brings us to the moral of the story: when you grow up, don’t drink and drive.